Aquired Knowledge
by poppielee
Summary: I wrote this a long time ago but never posted it hear so here it is my,how they met story.
1. Chapter 1

_**"Acquired Knowledge"**_

_**Chapter 1**_

**Day 6: San Francisco,1999**

Placing his hand on her lower back, Dr Gilbert Grissom guided the young woman through the door of his hotel room, the thud of the door closing to Grissom sounded like a hammer colliding with the head of a nail, this the last nail in the coffin of his desire for her. This would put a stop to all the fantasies and all the desires and wants that had invaded his thoughts, he knew the course of actions of the last few days could only lead to one place, a place he couldn't travel, not with her. He had to empty her from his thoughts he needed to free himself from needing her.

His thoughts were yanked back to the present when the woman placed her hands on his chest and as she spread them apart, removing his jacket. She spoke in whispers, words filled with promises of a night of passion unlike anything he ever felt before, he wanted to stop her almost immediately but he had to do this, he had to banish Sara's face from his mind.Grissom's passion had turned to anger. He was angry at himself for all the moments of closeness he'd shared with her; for all the times he let his eyes rest upon he figure as she unknowingly seduced him. Yes, he could do this now driven by anger driven by a need, not of climax but of a force to rip her from his mind.

The woman now had completely undressed his torso and had begun licking and playfully biting down on his bare chest. Forcing the woman against the wall in hallway of his suite, Grissom's anger overcame him as he attacked her neck biting hard while one of his hands pinned hers above her head. He let his other hand glide over her body and ignored the small cries the emanated from her slight frame. He ground himself against her as he reached down to move his hand under the skirt of her dress. This would free him; he thought, as he tried to keep his thoughts focused on his actions.

Sara's face kept forcing its way into his thoughts. The more he tried to push her out the more she invaded him. He could remember touching her for the first time feeling her lips on his, so soft and beautiful her taste lingering upon his lips. He couldn't bear to think about it, and with renewed force he plundered his companions mouth. He forced his tongue into her invading, with no feeling, attacking the scrap of lace the covered her sex he tore it from her body, releasing a scream from the pinned woman. Grissom's arousal continually grinding into the woman's thigh. He released her hands and told her to hold them there. She did as she was told not budging and inch.

Grissom undid his button and shoved his pants and boxers down he tore the foil of the small packet he had taken from his pocket and in one fluid motion sheathed himself in latex. He pushed up her dress exposing her sex and without any warning or foreplay he placed his hands around her back and slid them down taking her buttocks in hand and lifting her just enough to drive himself into her. His body was crushing her as he pounded into her again and again. The woman lost in moans and grunts egging him on wanting more, pleading for him to take her harder. He complied like a man possessed, not with a need to fulfil her, but to fulfil his own need, a need to push the completeness he'd felt in this last week away, to distance him from all the touches and smiles they'd exchanged.

NO… NO… He wouldn't let this happen he couldn't, it was foolish to think she had wanted him, she had proved that earlier that day He had been a fool to think she had really felt anything. Yet even now as his body found its release, his thoughts were on her and how her skin had felt under his hand. How her soft lips felt on his neck. The way she moaned into his mouth as his hand found her breast. The feeling of her body against his. The rush of emotion as she took his arousal in her hand .These memories sent a surge of lust and passion through his body and straight to his centre. The guttural cry of her name as he climaxed over took him stirred him back to his senses. His mind was always fighting a losing battle and he knew it. Slumping against the slim figure of his partner he stayed motionless, almost afraid to move, waiting for the inevitable shame to course through him.

"Are you okay Sweetie" She asked slightly pushing his shoulders off her chest.

"I'm fine" he replied breathless but with no emotion. Grissom stood up fully and backed away from her, the shame of his actions spread across his face. Pulling his pants up he fumbled with his button.

"It's okay Sugar, everything is fine, just try to relax, and do you want a drink or something?"The woman's voice was cool and calm and it was then that it hit Grissom, it had meant nothing to her either. Grissom strode over and picked up his coat he plucked his wallet from the inside pocket and pulled out some cash. The woman was adjusting her dress back into its normal position, when she saw his actions. She knew what he was doing, it wasn't the first time she'd seen this sort of anger. A fight with someone special or a break up, she thought to herself as she took the money from his grasp.

"Thanks, do you mind if I fix myself up a bit before I go?" she asked already walking into the suites bathroom.

"No, go ahead" he said unable to look at her. Grissom wished she'd leave he was ashamed and regretting his actions and the longer she was there the worse he felt. It was only when the bathroom door closed that he heard the light knock on the hotel room door. Fear gripped him, frozen to the spot he held his breath, it could only be one person. He had wanted her to come to him like this; he'd played it out in his head so many times in the last week. What she would be wearing. Now she stood on the other side of his door and he felt so ashamed of himself that he couldn't breathe.

"Hey, Doc are you in there?" Sara's voice was filled with nerves. She knocked again this time a little harder. "It's me; it's Sara, I… I just wanted to talk to you… please open the door, I think we should talk about this morning."Sara's voice giving away the emotion she was carrying. Sara placed her ear to the door listening for any sense that there was someone inside. Deciding he wasn't in Sara's thoughts began to sort through the places he could be. She retraced their steps over the week revisiting all the places they had been and the moments they had shared together. She smiled as the memories flowed through her. Sara decided to wait in the hotel lounge. She would leave him a message at reception to say were she was waiting, hoping that he would want to see her.

It was just about then that Grissom's bathroom door swung open and the patron within entered the room smiling and scanning for her client.

"Damn Sweetie, you could live in that bathroom, it's bigger than my apartment." she stopped when she saw Grissom's face. She noticed he hadn't moved since she had left him. The blood had drained from his face and he looked like he was going to be sick.

"What's wrong sugar, are you okay?" her voice filled with a mixture of concern for him but mostly for herself. It wasn't the first time a trick had turned bad, she started to head toward the door ready for a quick exit.Watching the direction she was going in shook Grissom out of his frozen like state. He didn't speak he slowly lifted his finger to his lips indicating for her to be quiet. And pointed toward the door. Sara heard a women's voice from the other side of Grissom's door a painful stab hit her gut, he was in there and he wasn't alone. Sara knocked again and called out to him.

"Doc is that you?" Her voice a little louder than it should have been.

"Oh… she wants to make up huh?" The nameless woman was whispering now. Realising what was happening.

"Dr Grissom are you in there?" Sara's tone had changed from nervousness to annoyance.Not a sound came from within the room; Sara waited and listened for a further few minutes, he wouldn't do that, not the man she had come to know over the last week and certainly not after this morning, would he?"

"Doc, are you in there?" Sara clearly agitated now. With still no reply she knocked again. Her voice shaking as she tried to call to him."Please… Gil… " Sara choked on his name. Tears had formed in her dark eyes, remembering how she had used it that morning, how happy she was. She placed a hand on his closed door and pressed against the wood as if it where his body.

"I don't understand" she said leaning against the door her voice barely above a whisper but clear enough to be heard on the other side. Then with no sound she turned and walked down the hotel corridor the welled up tears fell freely down her face. Grissom waited and listened, breathing a sigh of relief as he heard her leave. Her foot steps became fainter as she walked away.

"So, that was a close one huh?" the woman said as she smoothed out the imaginary creases in her skirt. Her loud brash tone, shattering the moment.

"I would be grateful if you would leave now thank you." Grissom's voice was low and shaking. He wouldn't make eye contact with her. His guilt had begun to choke him; he was losing the battle with his emotions.

"Sure sugar, no problem, thanks for the party, maybe I'll see you again sometime." she said as she blew him a kiss and with that she was gone. Grissom closed the door quietly and leaned his head against the wood, lost in his own shame and despair he sank to the floor."Oh Sara… I'm so sorry" his voice only heard by the emptiness of his room.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

_**Day 1 San Francisco 1999.**_

_**"Entomology and its role in Human decomposition" Speaker: Dr Gilbert Grissom. 9:00am- 1:00pm / 3:00pm - 6:00pm**_

Dr Grissom smiled at the poster which hung outside the Science department building. He looked at his watch 8:00am he was early. He was always early on the first day of these seminars, a chance to set up and get the feel of the room before the students started to arrive. The building was quiet as he passed through the halls save a few maintenance people and office personnel. He made his way to the main office and introduced himself to the young receptionist.

"Hi, I'm Gil Grissom, I'm the host speaker for the Entomological seminar." he said smiling at the young woman.

"Oh, Yes Dr Grissom you are in lecture hall one" She said not looking at him but at a list on her desk." That's back down the hall turn left and up the stairs to the second floor it's the double doors on your right, you can't miss it". She finished speaking and returned to the work in front of her.

"Thank you" He said as he made his way out of the office.

"Professor Walsh will be here at about 8:30 to go through everything with you." The receptionist called after him "He wasn't expecting … you… to… be… this early" her voice trailed off as he was already gone.

Grissom pushed open the heavy doors into a dimly lit room. It was quite large as lecture halls go, and altough he was almost feeling nervous he shook his thoughts and began to layout the notes and slides he would be using that day. At 8:30 sharp a tall thin man entered the room.

"Dr Grissom I'm Professor Walsh I run the Science department here; Can I say what an honour it is to have you here. We have been looking forward to this lecture for sometime now." Professor Walsh continued to speak but Grissom's attention was drawn to the incoming array of students that had started to fill the room.

"Thank you professor I'm delighted to be here" Grissom spoke through a fake smile not that he was being rude he just didn't do chit chat. He just wanted to get started. It was then he noticed a group of girls enter together. They were chatting and laughing about something or other. They had caught the attention of most of the occupants in the room. They were embarrassed but continued to giggle as they made their way to a row of seats near the front.

Grissom noticed her almost immediately. How could he not she towered over her friends. The young woman followed behind the group, she was about 5"9, of thin build, and her dark hair was swept up in a pony tail. Your typical student carrying a folder and a backpack thrown over her shoulder. She wasn't Grissom's type he preferred a curvier figure, but there was something about her that made her stand out from the others in her group. At 9:am sharp Grissom began his opening speech. He Introduced himself and began explaining what they would be covering in the seminar. He was doing his best to make eye contact with almost anyone he could. It was however becoming uncomfortably noticeable that her stare was the only one that didn't falter. Others became embarrassed by his eye contact. She was looking at him holding his gaze, and it intrigued him. He was still locked in her stare when the sound of giggles took his attention. He hadn't realized he had stopped speaking. He cleared his throat and shuffled a few pages in front of him and started his lecture. His eyes avoiding that row of seats for the rest of the session.

At 1:45pm the heavy doors of lecture hall one flung open and the noise and bustle of 80 students leaving the room filled the air. They were moaning and grumbling at being late for something or other. The cause of their tardiness was the tall brunette who took the "Leave all questions until the end of the session" to a new level. Grissom watched the young woman in fascination as she seemed to be oblivious to the scowls and taunts that were directed at her. Instead she was buried in her notes writing furiously. He smiled to himself as the room emptied without her noticing. He walked toward were she sat engrossed in the pages in front of her.

"Hello Miss, you can go to lunch now. We have a lot to cover in the next session." Grissom said as he grinned in amusement.

"Oh, I'm sorry… I just got caught up in… you know what, never mind, you probably want to get some lunch or get ready ." She spoke as she bundled her books and pages into her bag, stumbling a little as she stood."I'll just go and do this outside" She brushed by him and almost broke into a sprint for the door.

"Oh... and miss?" Grissom called after her. Sara stopped and turned half outside the room.

"Yeah…Yes? Her voice screaming with nerves.

"Thank you for your questions. They offered your fellow students a chance to hear some interesting aspects of recovery I hadn't planned on going into". Grissom finished with a smile as the tall brunette left the room blushing furiously.

True to his word the next session went as well as he expected. A couple of students looked decidedly uncomfortable as the slides flicked by. By the end of the session Dr Grissom could almost pick out who would not be returning to tomorrow's session. She however, watched with the same interest she had that morning. When it came to the end, to the "Any questions?" part of the session, 80 pairs of eyes bored into the brunette's neck. Again she was oblivious and her hand went straight into the air. Grissom noticing the other student's contempt for her stopped her, mid question.

"Look I understand that we were late this morning so if any one would like to go now they can." On his last sentence his eyes settled on her "If you have questions, I will be here for a little while."With that he dismissed the class and he returned to his desk. There were a few students left including her. He worked his way through the remaining students answering each question in turn until he was left with her.

"Well". Grissom said "Maybe we should sit" he said pointing to his desk.

"Okay… I just have a few questions I won't keep you." Her voice giving away her nervousness.

"Well before we begin, please call me Gil, Dr Grissom is a bit of a mouthfull and I'm guessing we will be here a while." Grissom said as he pointed to the sheet of paper she had in front of her filled with questions.

"Um… I don't think I could. I um… I…" She couldn't look at him her cheeks turning a bright shade of pink.

"Okay, how about Grissom or Doc" he said trying to put her at ease.

"Doc is okay… I guess." she replied feeling a little a little more relaxed.

"Now although I think Miss is lovely I'd much rather know your name." He was smiling at her as he spoke.

"Oh … of course I'm sorry, it's Sara… I'm Sara Sidle." Sara extended her hand in reflex to her words.Grissom took her hand and felt something he had never dreamt of feeling with her. A spark or a chill he couldn't quite place it, but it was there and it puzzled him.

"Well Sara. May I call you Sara?" The nodding of her head giving permission he continued."Well Sara ask away." he finished by sitting down not missing the opportunity to take in her full figure as she reached for the other chair which was snug under the desk. He found himself looking at her ass as she pulled the chair around to face him. He Corrected himself almost immediately… Almost.

The time flew by for Grissom. Never had he been so tested by someone outside of the field and it thrilled him firstly, to find himself in such a position. Secondly to be brought there by someone so young and yes it had to be said beautiful. Grissom found it odd that he was thinking these things about her. Sara's voice shook him out of his train of thought.

"Gosh look at the time. I'm so sorry. I must be keeping you from something." As Sara spoke he noticed she had a new confidence in her tone.She wasn't sorry at all, in fact, she had truly enjoyed his company. It had been while since Sara had spent time with a man, whose sole mission wasn't to get into her underwear.

"Not at all Sara, I told you this morning it makes all my research worth while when I get a response, even if it is from only one student." He said chuckling at his joke."Besides I haven't any plans for tonight." Grissom said looking at his watch.

"8:30pm. your right it is late. I'm sure that your boyfriend will think I'm stealing you away." Grissom busied himself waiting for her reply.

"Oh, its okay no one will miss me." Sara realised how sad and pathetic she sounded."I mean I'm not seeing anyone". She cringed as she spoke "Why would he care if you're seeing anyone you idiot." she thought to herself.

"Really, I find that hard to believe." Grissom said as he finished packing up his papers and slides. He was flirting with her and he was enjoying it. He noticed the lovely shade of pink that had once again ravished her cheeks and couldn't help but grin.

"Do you need a hand… with your things?" Sara asked trying not to sound like a total geek but failing miserably.

"No thank you. I got it. Grissom said moving toward the door."Okay well I'll see you tomorrow Dr Griss… I mean Doc." She flashed him a smile that went straight to his heart and continued to his groin.

"You're not leaving?" Grissom asked.

"Not yet I want to finish my notes, I'll see you tomorrow" she said, turning back to the desk."I'll look forward to it Miss Sidle… I mean Sara." Grissom spoke in a gentle tone as he left the room leaving her writing in her notebook. It suddenly stuck him as he walked out of the room, he really meant it.

Later that night Grissom lay in his hotel room wide awake. His body clock was still on Vegas time. His mind Drifted from Vegas to San Francisco and to the tall brunette who had had such an affect on him. Grissom found himself replaying her questions in his head thinking of answers that would have been funnier and more playful.

"What am I doing? He said out loud to the empty room. He was acting like a teenager with a crush. She was a young, beautiful, obviously intelligent woman who wouldn't look twice at him. Would she? Her response to his flirting hadn't been negative. She had told him she wasn't seeing anyone, why did she tell him that? Was she telling him she was interested? He was starting to drift off to sleep. He pulled the comforter over his shoulder and closed his eyes smiling to himself. Yes he was certainly looking forward to tomorrow. Sara Sidle was a puzzle to him. One he would enjoy solving over the next few days.


	3. Chapter 3

_**"Acquired knowledge"**_

_**Chapter 3 **_

**Day 2 San Francisco 1999.**

Grissom arrived at the Science Department building. He made his way up the two flights of stairs to lecture hall one. He had an excitement in his stride that wasn't there the day before. He was looking forward to today. Even though this was the last day of the seminar, he was hopeful that he might get to spend some more time with Sara. Time was ticking by, as he looked through his reviewed notes for that day. He hadn't intended on changing anything, but he found himself wanting to impress her and hopefully invoke more questions.

The students had started to arrive. Grissom was right the numbers had dropped. He had expected it after the Slide show in yesterday's afternoon class. The pictures were graphic and disturbing. He smiled to himself remembering the excitement in her eyes as he took the class through the investigation step by step. 9am and still no Sara. He was more than disappointed. He thought she had enjoyed the lecture. She had told him as much in the questions and answers session after the class had ended. He started to second guess everything that he had said to her, the way she acted around him. Did his flirting upset her? Did he make her uncomfortable? 9:15am, it was getting late, Grissom resigned himself to the fact that she wasn't coming. As disappointed as he was he had to get on with the job at hand. He walked to the door and had started to close it when he heard a noise coming from the stairwell entrance.

He looked out just in time to see pens flying across the corridor, sheets of papers floating down like snowflakes, coming to rest on the floor.

"Shit, Damn it!" Sara's umistakable voice rang out. Grissom walked to the doorway and saw her. Sara was sitting on the top stair nursing her knee. The contents of her folder scattered around in front of her. His heart swelled with the sight of her.

"She came." he thought with a renewed giddiness. He corrected himself and rushed to her side."Hey, are you alright?" Grissom said as he kneeled down beside her.

"I'm fine… I'm sorry I'm late. I was working late last night and I slept in." He was helping her up when he noticed the tears well up in her eyes.

"Hey, are you sure you're alright? Do you need a medic?" Grissom's voice full of concern.

"No … I'm fine. Really can we just go inside?" Sara spoke as she tried to stand. Sara was trying to hide the complete humiliation she felt, stumbling like a five year on the stairs, and just to add to the embarrassment, He had seen it. God she wanted to die. She began to pick up her scattered notes, swallowing the lump that had taken up residency in her throat. Grissom wanted to make her feel better and had noticed her embarrassment, and her wet hair.

"You know, you'll catch your death running around like that." He was trying to lighten the mood.

"What? " Sara said giving him a stunned look. She folded her arms across her torso trying to cover herself, the blush that seemed to be permanently on her face around him arrived as if on cue.

"I'm just saying you'll catch your death. Are you just trying to give the San Francisco Crime lab more work to do" He repeated pointing to her hair.

"Oh… "Sara finally catching on. "I know, I just… grabbed a quick shower and ran. No time to dry it." She touched the wet tendrils of hair that were dripping onto her bare shoulders.His efforts at cheering her up had worked; Sara rewarded his efforts with the same beautiful smile she had shared last night. It had the same affect on him. Sara had started his day as she had ended the one before, with that smile. The heat that coursed its way through his body was almost uncontrollable. She was having an affect on him that he never for a minute expected to feel. As he helped her pick up the contents of her folder he found himself thinking of ways to win another of her dazzling smiles.

They had just about picked up all the sheets when Sara felt as if she was being watched. She looked up and caught Grissom staring at her; she cleared her throat and stood up indicating that she was done. It was Grissom's turn to be embarrassed now. She had caught him looking at her, well looking down her top to be exact. Grissom held out the sheets of paper he'd picked up. As Sara took them from him, her eyes locked with his for what seemed like an eternity. He had never felt anything even close to this before; the rush of giddiness and embarrassment under her stare was exciting and sickening at the same time.

Grissom lead Sara into the hall placing his hand on the small of her back as she passed through the door way. Both were blushing furiously and felt as if everyone in the room noticed. No one did as they settled into their seats, awaiting the lecture to start. Although none of Sara's companions from the previous day had joined her Sara took the same seat as the day before.

As Grissom took his place at the top of the hall, he let his eyes rest on her for a minute. He watched as she sorted through her folder, rearranging the papers that had fallen out. She was wearing a bright red tank top that brought out the colour of her cheeks wonderfully. He wondered if she was wearing lipstick, as her lips were almost as red as her top. He found himself wondering what it would feel like to kiss them. Her hair had started to form into small ringlets as it was drying; he was desperately trying to regain control of his thoughts as they drifted to an image of her in the shower. He turned to the projector and began to push buttons hoping to banish these images from his mind.

"Okay, people. Let's get started. We have a lot to get through today." Grissom said. He hoped he didn't sound as muddled as he felt. They day passed quickly and even though she had the affect on him that she did, he was even more impressed by her inquisitiveness. Sara had bombarded him, again and again with her questions and theories. He found himself becoming frustrated and aroused at the same time. With the last question answered he thanked everyone for their attention and there commitment in the last two days. He did the usual pleasantries of thanking Professor Walsh for his hospitality and the university for inviting him to speak the students started to pack up there belongings.

"If anyone has any questions regarding today's session I'll be here for an hour or so." Grissom said, catching Sara's eye. Sara knew he was only directing his comments to her, she nodded and stopped packing up her notes and with that done he ended the seminar. After the other students had left Sara made her way to the desk at the top of the hall.

"I wanted to thank you, Dr Grissom. I really found your lecture interesting and useful." she said Sara was trying to hide her nerves but around him everything she said sounded clumsy and awkward. She found herself on constant overdrive, stumbling and over talking, trying to sound somewhat capable of holding a normal conversation.

"Thank you Sara. I thought we'd agreed it was Doc?" Grissom said packing away his papers.

"Sorry, Doc." She said, correcting herself."I won't keep you too long today. I know you probably have a flight to catch. Vegas wasn't it? She said running her fingers along the edge of the desk, avoiding his eye contact.

"Yes, I work in Las Vegas, but it's no problem, I have a couple of days off so I'm not due back until Monday." He said wondering if she really needed to know that.

"Oh… Great…" Sara said a little louder than was necessary."Great Sara he thinks your an idiot!" She thought as she wrapped her arms tightly around her folder.

"Do you have some questions for me?" Grissom knew she was becoming uneasy again and as she seemed to relax when she was talking about the session.

"Yes, I do" Sara said snapping back into student mode.

"Well I will take great pleasure in answering them, but first, I need some coffee." Grissom said hoping she would want to join him.

"Oh, of course. I can wait, or I could call back later?" Sara was sure she was coming across as some sort of science groupie.

"No, that's not necessary. Why don't you join me? We can work and I can drink" Grissom nearly choked on his own words. He did it. He asked her. It was out of his hands now.

"I'd like that, thank you, if you're sure you don't mind "she answered. Sara was smiling and blushing again.

"Not at all would it be a real pleasure." Grissom said as he lifted his books and slides.The butterflies in her stomach were on overdrive. Sara was trying to clam herself as he lead her from the room and out onto the campus grounds.

"Alright this is your town, were can we get good coffee." Grissom playfully asked. Sara thought for a minute and then spoke.

"There's a diner a block from my place it has great coffee." she said.

"Sounds great, lead on." Grissom said. As they walked they talked, Sara asking questions, Grissom answering. They reached the diner in no time at all, choosing a booth at the back. As it had been the night before they talked easily. Sharing theories, and ideas. Grissom had two cups of coffee, while Sara had tea. The time passed quickly. Coffee turned to dinner and before they knew it, it was 9 o clock. When the waitress brought the bill Sara took it from her grasp.

"I got this" she said "Consider it a thank you for having to put up with me for two days" she paid the bill as she spoke.Grissom knew they would be parting company soon and that bothered him. He was trying to think of ways to delay her departure. He had to think fast.

"Sara. I was wondering if you are serious about thanking me. "Grissom was smiling at her."Properly, I mean. I did have to put up with you for two whole days. One dinner for two whole days hardly seems fair" he said noticing her confused look he kept going.

"What I mean is, I can think of other ways for you to thank me." He said.Watching her face for a reaction.Sara was stunned. What did he want her to do? She was trying to find an answer when he spoke again.

"I mean I've never been to San Francisco before." He said his as calm as his nerves would allow. "How about you give me a tour? I think that would be a fair exchange." Grissom finished with a playful smile knowing fully that she had misunderstood his previous comments. Relieved Sara smiled and hit his arm playfully.

"You did that on purpose, I can see that I'm going to have to keep an eye on you Dr Grissom" Sara said as they stepped outside the diner.

"Is that a yes? Miss Sidle" He said using her formal title giving her a crooked grin.

"You were serious?" She said as they started to walk.

"Absolutely I couldn't think of a better guide." Grissom said deep down hoping that he hadn't blown it.

"Okay, you're on." She said, the nerves had returned along with the butterflies in her stomach, which were playing havoc with her dinner. While he walked her home they made arrangements for the following day. Before long they were outside Sara's apartment complex. They stopped at the main entrance to the building, the tension was palpable. What happened next would stay in Gill Grissom's memory forever.

"Thanks, again for dinner, Sara I had a lovely time." Grissom said. As they stood facing each other.

"I thought you said it wasn't enough of a thank you". She had new playfulness in her tone that was almost seductive.

"Well seeing as you brought it up. No… it wasn't. Hence, our trip tomorrow." His reply was just as playful.

"Well I can only hope I measure up to your expectations of what a proper thank you entails." She said. the tone of her voice was almost velvet.

"I have complete trust in your abilities." Grissom said leaning in.

Sara Sidle hadn't a spontaneous bone in her body, but around him she didn't feel like herself she felt different. He gave her a confidence that she never knew was in her and without thinking or questioning it she kissed him. Grissom felt her lips on his before his brain caught up. She was kissing him. It wasn't passionate, of rushed, but soft, and almost hesitant. He didn't want to scare her but his body had other ideas. Grissom deepened the kiss his tongue sweeping into her mouth after a few seconds Sara broke the kiss to catch her breath.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have… "Sara was stuttering and mumbling.

"Well that moves tonight's thank you up a notch." Grissom said smiling and touching her face."Really, well wait until tomorrow it will blow your socks off." Sara said as she pushed him back until she broke his embrace.

Sara left him with his mouth hanging open."See you tomorrow Doc. 9am. We have a lot to do. " Sara said the smile on her face was luminous. He smiled back and winked at her, before she disappeared into the building.Grissom stood outside her building for a few minutes. He was trying to convince himself that that really did happen. He touched his lips remembering how soft her lips had felt. The taste of her was intoxicating and he was almost giddy to think what tomorrow would bring.


	4. Chapter 4

_**"Acquired knowledge"**_

_**Chapter 4**_

**Day 3 San Francisco 1999.9:15am**

Gill had just finished his breakfast and left the dining room of the hotel when he saw her. Sara was at the reception waiting to speak to someone. He didn't go to her right away but watched her from the door of the dining room. She was obviously nervous, tapping the reception desk impatiently, pulling at her clothes. Grissom drank in the sight of her. He let eyes travel the length of her body. Sara had worn flats, which told him they would be walking a lot today. She was wearing jeans and from what he could tell a white tank top under a short black jacket. Around her neck she had a lavender scarf that hung down to her waist. He walked toward her slowly remembering the last time he saw her, the memory inspired him to touch his lips. The grin that he had worn since that moment was displayed for all to see. Just as he reached her she turned, it was as if she could sense him.

"Hey, Good morning." Sara said unable to stifle the smile that spread across her face.

"Hey, Well Miss Sidle you are late." Grissom said playfully looking at his watch.

"I know I'm sorry. I was waiting on the postman, he was late today." She was blushing and fidgeting with her bag.

"Oh, expecting something important?" Gill said smiling, noticing her blush.

"Well I applied to the San Francisco crime lab for a placement, I wanted to see if being a criminalist was all it's cracked up to be. I was told to expect a letter this week." She was openly smiling at him as she spoke.

"Well, I hope that you get it. If that's what you want. It's not easy Sara and most people who embark on this road don't make it to the end without losing a part of them selves."he said.Grissom's tone was serious and his eyes hadn't left hers as he spoke. Sara knew by the way he was looking at her, that he was giving advice to her as a mentor as well as a friend.

They had started to make there way across the lobby toward the elevators.

"Look, Doc, I have been thinking about it for a long time now. Why do you think I attended your lecture, because of your dazzling good looks?" Sara nudged his arm as she spoke. Grissom smiled as he rubbed his arm in mock protest.

"I have been looking for a new challenge; I don't want to just sit in a science lab somewhere performing the same experiments for the same results. I've had the application filled out for months; you just helped me decide to send it, that's all" Grissom's smile returned."I wouldn't worry. I mean, I might not get it. Do you know how many people apply to the SFCL every year? And even if I do get a place, there's no guarantee I'll get to complete my proficiency there." Sara was lost in her rant when she noticed he had stopped walking and was no longer by her side. Sara turned to find her missing partner. Grissom had stopped and was staring at her with a playful smile on his face.

"What are you smiling at?" Sara asked, walking back to where he stood.

"I just … I'm just happy for you that's all. Grissom said.

"Well don't be too happy yet I told you most people have to apply two or three times before they get a place." She said blushing and smiling at the polished marble floor of the lobby.

"I have no doubt in my mind that you will be accepted Sara, you were a born criminalist. You love to ask questions and solve puzzles." He replied.As Grissom spoke their eyes locked and as they had the first time three day's earlier, and again her eyes rendered him speechless.

"Okay" Sara said breaking the silence, "We have a lot to see, so, Are you ready to go?"

"I'll just grab my jacket." Grissom said heading to the elevator.

"You want me to wait here?" Sara asked.

"Well you could come up, but I don't know if I trust you after last night." Grissom said as he pushed the button to call the elevator.

"You wish" Sara said the devilish grin on her face spoke volumes to Grissom. As the elevator door's closed he threw her a wink He laughed as he saw her shake her head her embarrassment resting on her cheeks once again.

**Day 3 San Francisco 1999.10:30 pm.**

Grissom and Sara sat in a small diner close to pier 39. They had spent their day on a shuttle tour travelling through out San Francisco taking in most of it's attractions. Grissom's feet were sore, and the day was beginning to take its toll. Sara on the other hand seemed oblivious, she seemed to have the same energy she had that morning. He watched her as she spoke she was lost in the guide book from the tour.

"Sara," Grissom said interrupting her. "I just wanted to say thank you, for today. I'm having a wonderful time." he said.

"You're welcome." she said giving him one of the smiles he'd come to cherish. "You were right, this was a proper way to say Thank you." Sara's voice had changed in fact the whole mood was changing. Grissom knew that their day together was coming to an end. He desperately wanted to see her again, but he was unsure if he should ask. It wasn't like this could go anywhere, he was going home in a few days and he knew it would be selfish of him to encourage what was happening between them. Sara noticed that he wasn't totally with her and took his hand to bring him back to reality.

"Hey, are you okay?." she asked. "I think I lost you for a minute."Sara knew deep down why he looked that way. She was feeling it too. Sara had been wrestling with her feelings throughout the day. She knew all too well this couldn't go anywhere, but when she was with him, it felt like she was home, which for Sara was an amazing experience; one she had rarely felt in her life.

"I'm fine, I'm just tired, your thank you has worn me out." As he spoke he rested his hands on the table surrounding his cup.

"Come on, we should head back. I have an early class tomorrow morning." She said. They left the diner and hailed a cab, both too tired to wait for a bus back. Grissom was again lost in thought when he felt her head rest on his shoulder. Leaning his head to one side he looked at her. Sara had fallen asleep. Grissom loved the feeling it gave him. The trust that had been so easily given was overwhelming, and it touched his heart. As much as he tried to fight it, the emotion that coursed through him was something he had never experienced. He knew that walking away from, what ever this was, was becoming more and more difficult the more time he spent with her.

The cab came to a stop outside Sara's building and Grissom shook her slightly to wake her.

"Hey, Sara honey wake up we're here." Grissom's voice was low and gentle. Sara stirred and realising that she had been asleep on his shoulder.

"Oh God, I'm sorry" She said sitting up.

"It's okay, you were tired". Grissom got out of the cab and walked to the other side and opened her door. Grissom asked the cab to wait as he escorted Sara into her building.

"Well I had a wonderful time." Sara said, feeling the mounting tension.

"Me too. I am very grateful to you for giving up your day to say thank you" Grissom said smiling at the colour on her cheeks. It took all his willpower not to touch her. They stood in the lobby of her building neither wanting the day to end. The silence was deafening as the inevitable moment of departure came.

"Well I guess I should go." Grissom said his foot kicking at the marble floor of the lobby. "You have an early class. You probably want to get an early night." Grissom said trying to hide the nerves that were building in his stomach.

"Yeah… Yes ... um… I have a lecture on the structure of DNA at 9am." Sara was trying to sound interested in her lecture but he was standing so close to her now that she couldn't think straight.

"I guess you'll be too busy tomorrow, grilling your lecturer to see me." Grissom said playfully, but hinting enough that she was in no doubt that he wanted to see her again.

"Well, I can't guarantee that I won't grill Dr Crowe but I think I could squeeze you in if you really felt that you needed to see me." Sara said it was her turn to be playful. Stepping closer to her Grissom slipped his arm around her small waist pulling her slightly toward him. He knew that what he was doing was wrong, that he was only setting Sara and himself up for an even bigger fall but she was intoxicating. All he could think about was the kiss they had shared the night before.

Very slowly he lifted his free hand and framed her face, allowing his thumb to gently stroke her flushed cheek. He heard a small intake of breath from Sara. He watched her mouth as her tongue peeked out and licked her lips anticipating what was to come. Grissom leaned in and kissed her. What was meant to be a gentle kiss goodnight, quickly turned into something else. Sara opened her mouth to deepen his kiss snaking her tongue into his mouth. Grissom was lost; he plundered her mouth ravishing her lips with his sensual attack. Their hands feverishly gliding over each other's body touching but resting long enough to register the touch.

Grissom moved them into a dark corner of the lobby pushing her backwards until they reached the wall. He pressed himself against her thin frame his arousal clear. A moan escaped her lips as he continued his assault on her mouth. He slipped his hand under her jacket the heat of her body spurring him on. Grissom's hand slid under the fabric of her top searching for her skin. Sara moaned in approval. He continued his movements letting his hand slowly make it's way up her body, his thumb had reached the underside of her breast. Sara broke the kiss and took in a sharp breath. Her reaction caused Grissom to stop, embarrassed he began to remove his hand.

Sara stopped his hand with her own. She locked eyes with him and replaced his hand firmly on her breast. When he touched the soft mound of flest for the first time his bodies reaction was primal, he ground the now very large erection into her welcoming body. Their passionate dance began again. Grissom gently kneaded her breast, his thumb gliding over her very erect nipple. Sara was lost in him, his mouth was ravishing her neck, and she could feel his teeth nip at the sensitive skin behind her ear. Sara could feel her passion pool at her core, her climax was building rapidly. The power of speech seemed lost to her. Sara's hand drifted over Grissom's body letting her fingers playfully glide over his hard shaft. It was his turn to moan as he pressed himself against her hand grinding into her for relief from his building need for release. It was the loud beep of a horn that eventually broke them apart.

"Oh God the cab." Sara said, breathless and flushed.

"I forgot, I guess I should go." Grissom said, he too was breathless and fully aroused.

"You could um… come up … if you wanted to." Sara's desire was clear; she wanted him, her need openly displayed in her dark eyes. As she spoke she pressed her body against his gently rubbing his hard flesh. Grissom was about to answer when the outer doors of the building opened and Hannah Hayes entered the lobby. She spotted Sara and walked over toward the couple not realising their current state or the question that hung in the air.

"Hey, there you are. I have been looking for you all day. "Hannah said, noticing Grissom she looked at Sara then back to Grissom. He recognised the young woman as one of the girls Sara had come with on the first day of his seminar.

"Dr Grissom, you're a long way from the science building" She said smiling at Sara.Grissom was uncomfortable and embarrassed. It was then the taxi beeped its horn again giving Grissom an escape. He looked at Sara and back to a smiling Hannah.

"I'll go, you have company, and we should probably go to bed… I mean you… you should go to bed." Grissom was now a bright shade of pink.

"You don't have to leave." Sara said the desire still flowing through her. "Hannah's not staying" She said glaring at the young woman who by now was giggling at the elevator.

"No you should get some sleep" Grissom said as he headed for the door. The disappointed look Sara had on her face said it all. Grissom noticed and walked back to where she was standing.

"I would like to see you again; if you wanted, I could meet you tomorrow after your lecture. We could have dinner… or something." Grissom finished. His blue eyes reflecting her lust.

"Something… would be lovely." Sara said, leaving no doubt that she wanted."I think it's your turn to show me how you say thank you" Sara whispered in his ear as she leaned in to kiss his cheek lightly.The sexual tension that passed between them in that moment was like nothing Grissom had ever felt.

"Here's my cell number, call me when you're finished and we can… decide were to go from there." Grissom said handing her his card. Sara took it not missing Grissom's finger playfully stroke hers.

"I'll see you tomorrow doc." Sara called after him as he left the building.

"I look forward to it" He said as the door closed.Sara looked at Hannah.

"Holy crap Sara you doing a teacher?" Hannah's voice annoying Sara further.

"Not any more, thanks to you, come on let's go up I need a drink." Sara said, heading to the elevator."And a cold shower." Hannah said giggling. As the lift closed Sara smiled at her friend, but the reason for her smile was currently on its way to his hotel in much the same state as her, horny as hell and looking forward to tomorrow.

Grissom arrived back at the hotel. He contemplated having a drink in the hotel bar but considering he was still aroused from his encounter with Sara he decided going to bed would be a better idea. He went into the suite and turned on the light in the hall way. He caught his reflection in the mirror and chuckled to himself. For the first time Gil Grissom was a mess. His hair was tossed, his face still flushed. God what this woman did to him. He walked into the room and lay on the bed. He started to replay his day in his head his favourite memories of the day registered straight away. When they ran for the cable car. Her laugh, as he fell off and had to chase it. How tightly she held him to stop him falling off again. He felt it then, the attraction between them. It was so potent he wondered how he didn't attack her then and there. As Sara held onto him on the Cable cars edge he could feel her pert breasts crushed against him. He knew she was just as aroused and he was. He smiled remembering it was no accident when she brushed herself against him as they got off the cable car. Her innocent smile defying the evidence.

The way her smell lingered on the shoulder of his jacket, where she had fallen asleep. He lifted the jacket and buried his nose in it trying to pick up her scent. He wanted to remember other parts of their day all the wonderful things they did. The new places they visited, yet all his mind would focus on was the few minutes they shared in her building. His arousal returned as he remembered her tongue sweeping into his mouth for the first time. The way she reacted to his touch on her bare skin. He remembered the feel of her hand on his, when she placed it on her breast. The skin on her breast was so soft; he could almost feel it now, under his fingers. Grissom couldn't stand it. He stood up and marched into the bathroom turning on the shower. He took of his shirt and undid his pant's the relief of being unrestrained was welcomed by his now rock hard mound.

He climbed into the shower letting the water soak his body grabbing the soap he lathered up and began to clean himself. He could have lied to himself and denied his body the satisfaction of release, but why should he? He wondered if Sara was still feeling as aroused as he. He let his thought's run free. What she would do to reach her orgasm? How she would touch herself. What her face would look like when she climaxed. These thoughts filled his head and he let his soapy hand wander down his body and take his hard flesh in his hand stroking lightly to begin. He pictured Sara here with him now in the shower; she would be soaping him up and rubbing herself against his body. He could almost feel her hand's on his wet body now.

Grissom increased the pace of his strokes on his flesh. He imagined turning her around and bending her body forward. One hand holding her breast, the other stroking her core. Slipping his two fingers in deeper and deeper, her ass grinding into his arousal. He imagined the noises she would make. What she would sound like as her orgasm took her? Would she call out? Or would she be a quiet partner. He imagined her taking his hard shaft in her hand as his fingers worked her core. In his mind Sara was here now stroking him. His body was building and he didn't stop. He imagined her pert breasts moving in rhythm with his hand. Her body be tight, and wet, wet for him?

These thoughts were enough to send Grissom into a raging climax.

"OH SARA… JEEEEESUS …" Grissom's called out as his climax overtook him. He spilled his seed onto the shower floor, the water washing it away immediately. His body still in a climatic convulsion.Grissom rested his head against the tiled wall of the shower. If Sara Sidle did this to him in his thoughts, what would the reality of having her here, in his bed be like? He hoped tomorrow night he would find out. He was lost in her and he didn't care.Grissom finished his shower and lay down on the bed. He missed her and wished he could call her or that she would call him. He was in trouble and he knew it.


	5. Chapter 5

**"Acquired knowledge"**

_**Chapter 5**_

**Day 4 **

**San Francisco 1999.**

The noise of Grissom's cell phone awoke him from one of the deepest sleeps he had had since arriving in San Francisco. He rolled over still half asleep. He plucked the phone from the nightstand, fully expecting it to be the Crime lab.

"Grissom" he said, sounding sleepy, and annoyed that he'd be woken up. He Looked at his watch 8:52AM.

"Well, Good morning to you too" Sara Sidle's voice chirped down the phone. Grissom sat upright in his bed fully awake.

"Hi, I was just thinking about you" Grissom said. He loved that she had called him. It almost felt like they had woken up together.

"I'm sorry did I wake you?" She asked.

"I don't mind. It's just nice to hear your voice." Grissom said meaning every word.

"It's just… Well… I got my letter and well I got in!" She said a little too loudly. Her voice bubbling with excitement.

"You did?" Grissom said trying to sound as if he knew what she was talking about.

"To the San Francisco Crime lab" Sara explained as if she had heard his thoughts. " I got a letter this morning. I start at the end of August. I have to register as a cadet, but I'll be based in San Francisco" Sara was almost singing her words.

"Hey that's great, so you're on you're way. CSI Sidle" He said a smile on his lips, honestly happy for her.

"Oh crap, look at the time. I have to go, I have that DNA lecture. I… um… I just wanted to tell someone." she said. The sadness in her comment wasn't lost on Grissom.

"Okay, enjoy your lecture. Oh… Do you still want to have dinner later?" Grissom said. He asked because he was sure that she would want to celebrate her news with her friends.

"Yeah, I am looking forward to it" she said. He could picture her face now. Her cheeks pink her curly hair tossed and wild.

"Great. Me too Call me when your lecture is over and we can arrange a time" Grissom said trying to hide his excitement.

"Awesome, I'll see you later Doc" She said he could hear the smile in her voice.

"Goodbye Sara." he said.Grissom wanted to leave her with a word of affection. Something to say, that he cared for her. I love you was too strong. He didn't want to scare her, but goodbye was so formal she might not realise how happy he was she'd called.

"Oh, Sara" he almost yelled down the line.

"Yeah" Sara answered she had nearly hung up the phone when she heard him call her name.

"I… I just wanted to say… I mean … I" he stumbled over his own thought's finally deciding to keep it simple. "Well done."

"Thanks" she said fully understanding his sentiment; with that she was gone and he was left sitting in his hotel room wishing that it was that night, and he was with her.Grissom lay there for a few minutes trying to decide what to do with his day, now that Sara would be busy. He had only known her three days and already he felt lost without her. Suddenly he had an idea. He sprang from his bed and began to get ready he had something he needed to do before seeing her.

Sara's lecture broke for lunch. Unlike her lecture with Grissom, she hadn't many questions for Dr Crowe. Sara made her way out onto the campus grounds outside the science building with her friends. They were chatting and laughing, excitedly talking about the next day. It would be the last day of the semester. They were so busy discussing which party they would be going too, and what they would wear, that no one really noticed Sara not taking part in the conversation. Her mind was else where.

She sat down on the grass still in a day dream, when she heard a familiar voice coming from behind her.

"Hey, I'm looking for a CSI named Sidle" Grissom's voice was playful.

"Well, I don't even have to turn around" She almost sang her words the smile on her face was luminous.Sara's friends began to giggle and whisper including Hannah Hayes who began to fill the others in on what she saw the night before. Sara didn't look like she heard them. Either that or she didn't care. Sara got up from the group and wandered over to where he was standing. Sara's breath had become shallow as she neared him. God he looked good in jeans, not to mention what that denim shirt was doing to his eyes.

"To what do I owe this great honour Dr Grissom" She said trying desperately to sound casual. The giddiness that was coursing through her body however, wouldn't let that happen anytime she was with him.

"I wanted to see you, I miss my tour guide" He said. He too was smiling upon seeing her. He wished he could keep his thoughts purely on the task at hand, but a wave of erotic thoughts flooded his brain the minute he saw her. The closer he got to her the more he wanted to kiss her. He knew that wouldn't be a prudent move considering he was still a lecturer and even though the seminar was finished, she was his student.

"I brought you something" Grissom said as he held out a small bag. Sara's smiled a blush settling on her cheeks.

"What's this for?" she said. Sara's question was genuine, she wasn't used to receiving gifts and she felt a little awkward.

"Well, It's a congratulations you got your placement present" Grissom said handing her the gift. They walked over to a clear spot on the grass behind a large tree and Sara opened the small bag taking out a box.

"Don't get too excited" Grissom said. "It's something I saw yesterday that I thought you should have". He finished excited to see her reaction. Sara opened the box and paused putting her fingers to her mouth touching the smile that was playing on her lips. Inside the box was a Bright red cup in the shape of a lady bug. It was oval in shape with small spots on one side and a cute bug like face on the other.

"I figured you'd be drinking a lot of coffee, in the next few months" Grissom said hoping she liked the small gift.

"It's wonderful," Sara said the emotion in her voice was clear. "It's the nicest present anyone has ever given to me" She said tears welling in her eyes.Sara truly meant her words. She had gotten gifts before, some of them bigger and far more expensive, but none came with the love that was wrapped up in this little cup.

"It's a bug mug, so you like it" Grissom said sounding like a five year old on Christmas morning after handing his mother a homemade present.

"I love it. Thank you Gil" She said still examining the gift. Hearing his name from her lips for the first time sent a rush of emotion straight to his heart. No one ever really called him by his given name in Vegas. His mother was really the only person who used it anymore. He loved the fact that Sara now felt comfortable enough to use it.

"You're welcome Sara." He answer dressed with a smile. "Now, about tonight? I have an idea but I'm not sure if you will like it so I'm running it by you first." He said. He wanted to surprise her but if she didn't like certain foods it might turn out to be a disaster, and he didn't want anything to go wrong tonight.

"Okay shoot" She said still clinging to her gift.

"Well I was thinking we could go to Chinatown and have something to eat there" he said looking into her eyes for any sort of distaste to the idea.

"That would be great, I love Chinese food." Sara said excitedly." I know this great place, the food is to die for, no pun intended" She said smiling.

"Great, I'll pick you up at seven, if that's okay" He said.

"Could we leave it until eight? It's just I won't finish here until six and by the time I go home and get ready" She said, trying not to sound totally female about it. Sara wanted to look good for him and she had things to do first.

"Great. Eight it is" Grissom said, smiling at her. He desperately wanted to kiss her but again he knew he had to restrain himself in public.

"I'm looking forward to it" Sara said and without thought or care she leaned in a placed a gentle kiss on his mouth. The look on Gil Grissom's face was priceless.

"What's the matter?" Sara asked feeling him stiffen under her lips. "Are you okay?" Sara asked pulling back noticing the look on his face.

"Yeah, yes, I'm fine" he replied. It was very obvious that he wasn't. Grissom was taken aback at her disregard for privacy. Didn't she care that people would know she was dating a teacher?" His mind was flying in all directions. Until he felt her hand on his.

"Hey, it's okay. You're not a teacher in this facility; what I mean is I didn't receive any extra credit or anything so it's okay. I checked it out." She said trying to snap Grissom out of his shocked expression. Sara had began to regret the kiss and pulled her hand away. Was he ashamed to be seen with her? Didn't he feel as she did? As the questions raced through Sara's mind she began to feel unsure and embarrassed. Seeing the look on her face. Grissom felt guilty. She hadn't done anything wrong so why was he reacting like this? Why shouldn't she kiss him? They were effectively dating.

"Sara" he said. Taking her hand in his again. "I'm Sorry, I'm just not used to displaying my emotions in public" He said leaning in to her ear."I could very easily get used to it, with plenty of practice" Grissom said very lightly kissing her just below her ear.

"Well I do tutor for some of my friends. I guess I could give you some time later on, for practice purposes" Sara said her eyes were dark and full of mischief.

"I put myself in your capable hands Miss Sidle" he said .By now he was nipping and licking at Sara's ear. Sara was fully aroused and wished they were somewhere more private.

"You can bet on it" She said. Sara leaned forward a kissed Grissom's lips again. This time his reaction was welcoming and open. They were launching into a serious make out session when Hannah's voice shook them back to reality.

"Hey Sara, put that down and come on, lunch is over" Hannah said laughing at the embarrassed couple.

"I'd better go, I'll see you tonight? 8:30 right" Sara said as she kissed him one last time.

"I thought we said eight" Grissom said smiling at her as she stood up.

"That's what I said 8:30" She said laughing as she walked toward the building.

"Fine I'll be there" Grissom watched her walking away trying to keep his mind on tonight, but the sway of her ass was making it very difficult indeed.Sara looked at her watch 8:15pm.

"Damn it" she said. Sara raced through her apartment she had gotten held up at the lecture by Professor Walsh. He had heard of Sara's good news and wanted to congratulate her. God that man could talk for hours given the chance. She wanted to look good for Grissom and instead she was flushed and annoyed at her hair. It had decided that it didn't want to straighten and was a mass of frizz. Sara gave up on her hair and went to her closet to get her dress out. The little black dress always made Sara feel good. Not that she got to wear it often. Any time real time she had spent with men here was mostly for tutoring purposes. Yes she'd have the occasional date even a brief relationship earlier in the year, but that had stemmed from a crush and soon fizzled out. It wasn't like this. It was nowhere near as intense as the feelings she had now. Sara took the dress from her closet and hung it on the door. She was about to attempt her hair again when she noticed a mark on the front of her dress.

"Shit" Sara said loudly she grabbed the garment and ran to the sink.

"Please, God, Please don't do this to me." she said, panicking glancing at the clock again. Sara had been looking at the clock when she accidentally knocked over a half full cup of old tea that had been sitting on the counter since that morning. It covered her dress. It was at that moment her buzzer rang. Sara's stomach hit the floor.

"Hey, it's me are you ready" Grissom's voice was excited and happy. Sara on the other hand had started to well up she wanted to look perfect for him and everything had conspired against her.

"You better come up, second floor apartment 3." was all she could say without sobbing down the phone. Grissom ran up the two flights of stairs to her apartment, he had the most amazing night planned for them. When he knocked Sara's heart sank to where her stomach should have been. He was expecting her to be looking beautiful and here she was her hair fighting with itself, between curls and frizz, her dress ruined, and not a scrap of make up on. Well better get it over with she thought as she walked to the door.

"Just keep it together Sara, keep it together" she said in a mantra as she opened the door. Grissom was a little taken a back that she wasn't ready and was about to quote something funny regarding women and the time it took them to get dressed, when he noticed her eyes were full of tears.

"Hey, what's the matter" he said, pulling her into his arms. That was all she needed, she let go sobbing into his jacket.

"I wanted to look beautiful for you but I got held up and the lecture and my hair wouldn't work and then my dress… my dress…" she said losing it again finishing with a new set of tears.

"Aw, Honey, it's okay. Please stop crying and look at me" Grissom said framing her face in his hands. Sara looked at him his eyes locked with hers.

"You are beautiful." he said. Looking deep into his blue eyes Sara knew he meant it. Sara leaned in a kissed his lips with a gentleness he would never be able to describe with words. Her kisses were light and chaste but each one was filled with overwhelming emotion. Grissom felt her hands slide around his waist and rest on his back. She pulled him closer, her kisses becoming more persistent and sensual. Grissom slid his hands from her face and let them glide over her body. The material of her dressing gown was worn and faded but he it was somehow her. She didn't need to be dressed up to be sexy, or be pinned and pressed, it wasn't her. Sara was naturally beautiful, she had a presence that very few women had and that none could achieve with a hair do or a dress. Sara made him feel alive. Their kisses deepened. Grissom let her set the pace he didn't want to rush her or scare her.

"Oh Gil "Sara whispered as her lips moved to his neck her voice full of emotion."Please Gil, please don't stop" she said. Continuing the assault on his neck. Sara knew he wanted her.

"Oh God Sara… aren't you … aren't you hungry" Grissom could barely form a sentence as Sara licked and nibbled at his ear.

"Yes" Sara said, she broke away from him and took his hand leading him to her bedroom.Grissom was a little shocked. The woman before him was far from the shy, quiet woman he had met three days ago. There was something in her eyes that touched his soul. It sent any worries or doubts that this was happening to fast out of his head. Sara led him to the bed. Grissom stood motionless as he allowed her to seduce him. Sara turned to face him; she placed her hands on the front of his leather jacket and pushed it off his shoulders. The jacket dropped to the floor Grissom barely noticed. Undoing each button of his shirt slowly. Sara watched his eyes as they filled with desire. She pulled open his shirt and let her hand glide over his bare chest taking in his form. Sara dropped her head his naked chest to taste his skin. Grissom took in a breath as Sara's lips made contact with his skin. The rush of arousal through his body was leaving him dizzy.

Sara kissed her way around his chest, biting down on his nipple hard enough to make him moan. She continued her exploration downward. She knelt before him reaching for the button on his pants.Grissom wanted to feel her, to taste her body on his lips. He tried to stop her, but Sara had other ideas. She brushed his hands away and undid his fly, and pulled the pants apart. Grissom's now very hard mound was straining against the fabric of his boxers. Sara leaned in and kissed him through the soft material, releasing a guttural moan from Grissom. His legs almost gave way when she slipped her fingers into his underwear taking him in her hand and slipping him over the waist band of his boxers. As she lightly stroked him, he tried to think of anything that would stop the climax that threatened him already Sara leaned forward and took him in her mouth.

"Jesus…" Grissom moaned trying to stop himself from thrusting into her. Sara began to move pulling out and swallowing him again. He could barely stand as his climax began to over take him.

"Sara… oh…I'm going to… Please … I'm going to…" Grissom's words were in vain as she intensified her efforts."Oh God… oh God… I'm shit Sara! " Grissom cried out. His climax ripped through him. His body was lost in its climactic dance. He could feel her licking his head clean, he barely felt her move him onto the bed, his orgasm still overriding any coherent thought. Sara lay down beside him on the bed, kissing his neck and stoking his naked form. Grissom was beginning to return to his senses, propping himself up on his elbow and raising his hand, he stroked her face.

"I think one of us is over dressed" Grissom said, a cheeky grin tugged at one side of his mouth.

He let his hand drift down over her body reaching for the belt on her robe; he began to pull at the knot. Sara lay back and let Grissom undo her robe as the belt was undone, the robe fell open, revealing her naked body. Grissom's held his breath when he saw her body for the first time.

"I want you to touch me" she said, her words innocent and sensual in the same breath. He smiled seeing the clear lust in her eyes. He could barely contain himself as his fingers gently slid over the soft mound of flesh of her breast.

"Oh Gil" Sara's words were only above a whisper. Grissom lowered his head to take her erect nipple in his mouth. He let his hand slide down her flat stomach;pausing just above her mound off brown curls, almost seeking her permission. Sara reached for his hand, he let her guide him down to her centre. Grissom found his own pace as he began to move his fingers in light circles around the tight bundle of nerves that was now standing out between her open folds. Lifting his head from her breast he watched her face change. Sara's whispered moans began to fill the room. Grissom returned to her other breast biting and licking her nipple. Sara began to move her hips in rhythm with the pace of his hand.

"Oh Gil… don't stop… that's so good! She said increasing her movement in time with Grissom's hand. Grissom raised himself off the bed lying on his side. He traced his lips over her body until he reached her centre. His mouth continued where his hand had been. Sara began to buck and thrust herself into Grissom's mouth. He could feel her climax building. He slipped two fingers into her core. Sara let out a guttural cry as he moved them between her folds.

"OH GOD DOC… So close… So close… Don't stop" Sara said, her climax threatening her. Grissom removed his fingers and began to suck and flick his tongue over her sex.

"YES… YES… OH YES!" Sara screamed.

Her climax took her and she was lost in wave after wave of erotic pleasure. Grissom was drinking all she gave like a man possessed. Hearing his name in a scream of ecstasy had sent a shot of arousal straight to his groin his own flesh was hardening again. His lust had returned with force and with one fluid movement he reached for his jacket on the floor and pulled out a small square packet from he pocket. He covered his now rock hard shaft in rubber and lowered himself between her supple thighs. As he pushed himself inside her, her tight body enveloped him; he could still feel the pulse of her orgasm around his hard flesh.

Sara was still riding a climactic wave when she felt him enter her. His movements were hard and deep. He thrust into her again and again. Moaning her name, finding her lips and attacking them. She too, was moaning and welcomed his mouth with hers. The last few days' tension was here in this moment he wanted to show her the passion he had felt, the end was coming and they could both feel it. Their passion increased with the pace.

"Oh Sara…. I want to make you scream my name" the words sounded strange coming from his lips but it was how he felt. .

"Yes… Yes… I want to feel you! She said wanting him more than she'd ever wanted any man.He thrust into her again and again begging her to call his name pleading with her to be with him in that moment. Sara could feel her climax take her again."Yes… oh God …. YES… YES… OH GOD GILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" Sara was lost in the feeling a complete ecstasy. Every muscle in her body felt as if it was exploding. Every nerve was alive with stimulation. Grissom felt her climax and thrust in once more and his seed shot from his body filling her. The sensation was so overwhelming, Grissom's eyes filled with tears.They lay there not moving for a moment. Grissom lifted himself off her body and fell to her side. His head resting on her breast as her hands came up to stroke his hair. Their legs tangled, their hearts still beating at a furious pace. It was then that she heard the words slip from his lips. Barely loud enough to be coherent.

"How am I supposed to say goodbye to you" He said. His words were filled with the fear. The same fear she had felt since the moment she realised she had fallen in love with him.


	6. Chapter 6

**"Acquired Knowledge"**

**Chapter 6**

**Day 5 San Francisco. 1999.**

**7am **

The shrill sound of an alarm clock stirred Sara from sleep. She was having the most wonderful dream and she didn't want to wake up. It wasn't until she tried to move to turn it off, that the heavy mass lying snugly behind her pulled her tighter. It was then she realized it hadn't been a dream at all. Gil Grissom was here in her bed, they had made love for most of the night. She laughed remembering him ordering the Chinese food naked. It was the most amazing night of her life. She was fully awake now and she turned to look at him. He looked so perfect when he slept. She touched his cheek, caressing it, his five o clock shadow scraping against her skin. Grissom opened his eyes and smiled at her.

"Hey there handsome, good morning" She said, stealing a light kiss.

"Good morning to you too" Grissom said not quite awake yet. As he leaned in to steal the kiss back, Sara's other alarm clock began to sound. It reminded her that she had a morning session, the conclusion to the DNA lecture, was due to start at 9am.

"I wish I didn't have to go" she said laying her head her across his chest.

"Me too" Grissom said still dozing. Sara looked up at him then kissed his chest before replacing her head to where it had been resting. Grissom lifted his hand and stroked her hair.

"What time will you be done?" Grissom asked wondering if he had time to go to the hotel and pack for his flight home the next day and get back before she got home. That way he could spend the rest of his time here with her.

"I don't know, it's the last day of the semester so it shouldn't go on too long" She said Sara slipping her hand under the blankets and running her hand across his sleeping flesh.

"I think he's earned a rest don't you?" Grissom said as he felt her actions.

"Okay… Fine I'll leave him alone but he owes me" Sara said smiling her eyes full of mischief , as she crawled up his body until she lay on top of him.

"What are you going to do?" She asked.

"Don't know, I guess I should go back to the hotel and get a change of clothes. I should probably start to pack" Grissom said trying not to mention his departure the next day. It was going to have to be talked about, it had to happen at some point it may as well be now. Sara hopped out of bed and grabbed her robe from when it landed the night before.

"I'm going to take a shower, and then make some coffee. You want anything" She asked as if she hadn't heard him.

"Sara" Grissom said, knowing she was deliberately avoiding the issue. "Sara, I think we should talk about tomorrow" Grissom said trying again. Sara sat back down on the bed.

"Look, I know we have a lot to talk about , but lets just… , lets just have today okay. I promise we will talk, just not today." She finished speaking and kissed away he refusal.

"Okay we have today together, but tonight we talk. Deal." He said hold out his hand.

"Deal" Sara said reluctantly shaking his hand. Grissom pulled her back onto the bed pinning her. He kissed her with the same passion they had shared so many times the night before. Another of Sara's alarms began to ring again.

"How many alarms do you need?" Grissom said smiling down at her.

"Holy crap, its 7:30 I better get moving or I'll be late. While Sara showered Grissom got up and pulled on his pants. He went to her kitchen; he could hear her singing in the shower. He walked to the kitchen to make some coffee. He was just reminding himself that he must tell her she has a lovely singing voice when he noticed the San Francisco Crime lab personnel application form on the counter. He was flicking through it and called to her.

"I thought you sent your application into the Crime lab" he said.

"I did" she said coming out of the bathroom tying her robe. "That's for the proficiency exam. If I want to do it this year I have to apply before the summer starts". She taking the paper from him and putting it back on the counter. Slipping her arms around his waist she pulled him in to her embrace. He leaned in and kissed her newly washed hair.

"Do you want breakfast?" Grissom asked as he walked to meet her.

"I don't really have time." Sara spoke as she broke from his arms and began to gather up her notes from yesterday's lecture. Sara could see the disappointment in his eyes. She walked back to him cradled his cheek in her hand.

"I have an idea.Why don't you go and get something for dinner and we can stay in again and eat here" she said. The meaning of what staying in meant was understood and Grissom smiled feeling a twinge in his groin.

"You can help me fill out my application" Sara said, leaning in and kissing him along his jaw line as she spoke. "Okay" Grissom said perking up. "While we're eating we can talk" he said capturing her lips before she could say another word. Sara dressed and left for her lecture. Grissom promised to change his clothes and meet her back at her apartment. Grissom had showered and gotten dressed, he began to wash up the pile of dishes they had used the night before. Granted it wasn't as nice as the real experience he was looking forward to in Chinatown, but it was good Chinese food.

He remembered how hungry he was. Not surprising they had certainly worked up an appetite. He lifted he ladybug cup he had bought her and placed it on the counter smiling as he remembered how she reacted to the small gift. He looked around her apartment for a pen and paper he wanted to make a list of things he needed to pick up for later. Finding both items he sat at her desk and began to make a list. Number one flowers for Sara. He smiled to himself as her wrote her name. Sara's phone rang. Grissom wondered if he should answer it. Deciding against it he let the machine get it.

"Hey, I'm not here, you know what to do" The machine beeped.Grissom smiled hearing her voice.

"Hey Sara, its Dee." The voice of one of Sara's friends rang out. "We missed you last night. I guess you were out with that old guy again. Hannah told us all about it. I know you thought he could help get you that job you wanted but dating him to get it, that's low sidle" She ended her sentence with a little laugh and then continued. "I'm just calling to say I think it's awesome that you got it. You always were a science geek. Oh and by the way, Ken was there last night he was asking if you were seeing anyone. I know you said that you were over him but I think he really does love you Sara and deep down you know you're still in love with him. Anyway call me later".

Grissom couldn't move. The words replaying in his head. "I know you thought he could help you get that job you wanted, but dating him to get it" Was that why she was with him? For a job. Grissom began to replay the last week in his head. Why did she come to his class? All her questions, the tripping on the stairs, the coffee, were they all ways to get close to him so he could help her?. No Sara wouldn't do that. Not his Sara. As the minutes ticked by Grissom was becoming more and more confused. Who was Ken? Sara never mentioned a Ken. Yes she'd mentioned something about a brief relationship but she had never said she loved him. Was this all part of some way to advance her career? Grissom had to see Sara.

Grissom arrived on the campus grounds at 11:30am. He walked to the science building just in time to bump into Professor Walsh.

"Why Dr Grissom, you're still in San Francisco. Well it must be fate. You never gave me your contact details. You left behind some of your slides in the projector. Dr Crowe left them in my office this morning."

"Come with me and I'll get them for you." He said turning and heading into the building. Grissom didn't want to talk to anyone, except Sara, but he followed him in assuming that Sara lecture was still going on. He got the slides and was thanking the professor when the noise level jumped. The doors of the lecture hall opened and the students poured out. He watched for Sara, when he saw her she was talking with Hannah and they were giggling and Sara was blushing. He could see her head out through the main door over the professor's shoulder. He was anxious to catch up to her but the professor was still talking.

"Thank you so much professor but I really have to be going" Grissom said shaking his hand as he was walking away. Leaving the man calling after him. Grissom ran to catch up to Sara, but was stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of her. A young blonde man had grabbed Sara from behind while she was talking to Hannah. Sara squealed and playfully smacked him. Grissom watched as they talked, Hannah had walked on. Sara seemed to know him well. She was talking and nodding her head. He watched as the young man took her hand. Sara was blushing; he froze in horror as the young man leaned in and kissed her. Grissom's heart stopped. Sara was saying something to him. He watched as the young man walked away still holding her hand until the space between them became too wide and their hands broke. His eyes locked on Sara she had her hands over her lips. As if by magic Hannah returned to her side. He watched as Sara began to speak to her friend. Hannah Screamed in delight at what ever Sara said and linked her as they walked on.

Grissom was thrown into confusion. Just then the professor caught up to him again.

"Dr Grissom, you never gave me your contact information for the lectures we discussed"

"What, oh yes I'm sorry" Grissom said, in a shocked daze he had no idea what the man was talking about. He must have been asking him to do a series of lectures when Sara had appeared but Grissom's mind hadn't heard a word. He handed the professor his card. Grissom saw the young blond man heading toward the building again. He wanted to say something or hit him he wasn't quite sure what. When the young man reached the door he headed passed the two men heading for the lecturer hall.

"Forget something Mister Fuller" Professor Walsh said.

"Yes, my notes. I was rushing to catch up to … someone and I forgot them" He said as he entered the hall.

"A young lady no doubt" the professor said calling after the young man.

"Young love Dr Grissom, if only we could that figure that out. Thanks for your card sorry to have kept you." he said and turned back toward his office. Grissom felt sick, he slowly made his way outside, people rushing around him laughing and hugging there goodbyes. The man that had kissed Sara walked out of the building carrying his notes. Grissom watched him. He was younger, and certainly more athletic than he was. Grissom heard another male voice call to the man.

"Ken, over here dude" the other young man waited until he caught up.Ken. He was ken, the man Sara had been in love with. The man Sara was still in love with. After all she let him kiss her. No wonder she didn't want to talk to him this morning, her mind was on getting to her lecture, to see ken. Had they broken up, had she used him to make this ken jealous? Is that why she kissed him on the grass yesterday? For him, to see them. Is that why she was crying last night, when he arrived. He felt like fool, she used him. A pain shot through Grissom like nothing he had felt before. His mind was jammed with possible reasons she would have come on to him. He wondered if that's why she wanted him to help her with her application for her proficiency test. With a recommendation from him she would surely be offered the test this year. Grissom's confusion was turning to anger. He had opened his heart to her and she played him like a fool, a stupid old fool. He felt lost, his anger growing all the time. His cell phone rang it was her automatically his answered the phone. "Grissom" he said coldly.

"Hey, I'm on my way home, are you still there or are you at the hotel?" Sara said. She sounded happy. Grissom wanted to scream at her he wanted to punish her for making him care for her so deeply.

"I'm heading to my hotel now, I have some work to catch up on, I forgot about it. I'll see you later on." he said his tone was cold and short.

"Gil is everything okay? You seem so… " Sara began.

"I'm fine I'll see you later", he said cutting her of; with that he hung up on her. Sara wondered what was going on. Why was he acting this way? Sara convinced herself it was her imagination and headed home. She needed a nap after last night. When she got home she was changing for bed when she saw her Bug mug. Sara crossed to pick it up when she saw Grissom's list. Flowers for Sara she smiled as she touched the script. It was as she was turning to walk to her bedroom she saw the message light blinking on her machine. Sara walked over and pressed play and headed to the kettle to make herself some tea before bed. The message played from Dee. Sara laughed at first knowing her friend had meant her jab at Grissom's age as a joke but when Sara heard the rest of the message she could swallow. Panic set in. Did Gil hear the message? God knows what he was thinking. The message made everything sound so deceitful when it wasn't like that at all. That's why he had been so weird with her on the phone. Sara tried his cell. It rang once, twice, on the third ring it was cut off. Sara was starting to panic. She ran to her room and redressed and ran out of her apartment with only one destination on her mind, to find Gil and explain.

Grissom wandered the streets of San Francisco for an hour or so. Without noticing he had found his way to the diner where they had shared their first cup of coffee. He sat in a booth facing the one Sara and he had shared. A lump formed in his throat he swallowed it, fighting his pain, forcing it deep down locking it away. Sara had been to the campus hoping he was there she ran into Professor Walsh.

"Sara, your still here" He said.

"I'm just looking for someone" Sara said hurrying on not wanting to waste any more time.

"Well if you tell me who you're looking for I may be able to help you find them" He said smiling.

"I'm looking for Dr Grissom, I ... I..." She said the tears welling up.Noticing her distress professor Walsh took her hands.

"Yes I have seen Dr Grissom, he was here today I had some slides he had left behind" Professor Walsh said hoping this information would be helpful. The full horror hit Sara full on. He had been at the campus today.

"What time was this" She said hopeful that he might not have seen her with Ken.

"Let me see your lecture with Dr Crowe had just finished so about 11:45. He said giving her a gentle smile. He had seen her, Sara wanted to scream.

"DAMN" Sara said as she ran from the building her heart pounding with fear of what he must be thinking. She has to find him and quickly. Sara rushed to his hotel but he hadn't been there since the day before. She wrote him a letter explaining the misunderstanding regarding the message from Dee. She also explained what had happened with Ken that day. She knew he wouldn't talk to her but he would read the letter. She ended the note by asking him to call her. For the next two hours Sara searched for him. She went to every place she thought he might go. Eventually she went to her apartment hoping he would have called She knew time was running out and that he was leaving the next day. She tried his phone again. It was still off. Grissom wandered back to the hotel the receptionist called him to give him his messages.

"Excuse me Dr Grissom, you have quite a few messages, and this" with the messages was an envelope with his name on it. He knew Sara had written it.

"I think it might be important the young lady seemed very upset. She has been calling all afternoon…" she said holding out the scraps of paper and the letter. Without looking at them he stuffed them in his jacket pocket and headed toward the hotel bar. He climbed up on a stool and asked for a bottle of Jack Daniels and a glass.Sara had reached her apartment; after she checked her messages again. She sat on the sofa defeated. Sara gave in to the feelings she had been fighting since she heard the message. The realization of what had happened hit her,the tears began to fall, her whole body tensed as the reality of what happened spread through her, stabbing her with the unmeasurable pain the goes with a breaking heart. How could this have happened? They were so happy a few hours ago. She wanted to hold him to tell him that Dee had only been referring to his seminar. That he would help her get the job in the lab by her attending his seminar. Having some knowledge of entomology would be a plus some of the other applicants wouldn't have. As for ken, she had told him that day that she didn't love him and that she wasn't sure if she ever did. He foolishly kissed her in an effort to change her mind but she told him that she was in love with someone else, and that his lips were the only ones she would be kissing from now on.

A sob escaped her throat as she collapsed to the floor the pain tearing her apart. Sara decided that she wouldn't give up, that she would fight. What they had together was worth fighting for. She would find him and make him see that she loved only him. She dialled the hotel again for the 20th time that day.

"Hello, my name is Sara Sidle I was wonder… "Sara began the same speech she had repeated over and over again that day but the receptionist interrupted her.

"Dr Grissom is here Miss Sidle he just picked up his messages" the reception said. Sara never even hung up the phone; she took off heading to the hotel. To Grissom.

Grissom by now was feeling the affect of the alcohol. At some point half way through his third double. She had come and sat beside him.

"Hi there, sweetie buy a girl a drink?" She asked. Grissom made no effort to speak just nodded to the bar tender who placed a clean glass in front of the woman. After another few drinks the woman offered him some company he knew what she was really offering.

"How much?" was all he said. After they agreed an amount Grissom told her to follow him, as they walked toward the elevator. Grissom's thoughts were of Sara, in his heart he knew she did care for him. The desire in her eyes when she kissed him. The passion they had shared couldn't have been a faked. He felt it and she felt it too he was sure. None of this made sense, but his anger returned with full force remembering the kiss that morning. The kiss that shattered his heart. It was his anger that was driving him forward. He had to finish this. To save what was left of his heart he would banish the last memory of their passion. Replacing it with something that was meaningless. She had broken his heart and any trust he had for her was gone. He never for a minute thought she was capable of that. He had to rip every shred of her from his mind or he would pine for her. He couldn't allow himself to need her. In his mind the rational side of his brain knew that what he was doing now wouldn't stop him caring for her, but his heart was aching and he needed to stop the pain. The elevator doors opened and he lead the woman to his room.

**_Day 6 San Francisco 1999. Placing his hand on her lower back. Dr Gilbert Grissom guided the young woman through the door of his hotel room….._**


	7. Chapter 7

**"Acquired knowledge"**

**_Chapter 7_**

**Day 6 San Francisco 1999 **

**11:05pm**

Grissom wasn't sure how long he had been sitting on the floor of his hotel room. Time had stopped for him. It wasn't until the hotel room telephone began to ring breaking the silence that he realized he was still on the floor. He pulled himself up and walked toward offending noise. He debated answering it but he knew that it would only be reception; he had given the hotel strict instructions upon his arrival that they were to hold all calls to his room. Grissom knew too well that his days off were constantly under threat of being ruined by a phone call from the lab, a bug infested body, or a high profile case always seemed to come up just as he was settling into his time off.

"Hello" Grissom said not recognising his own voice.

"Dr Grissom, this is Natalie from reception, I have a message for you from a Sara Sidle" She said in a cheery voice. Grissom froze, he was afraid to speak Hearing no reply the young woman assumed he wanted her to continue.

"She wanted you to know, that she was going home and that you could find her there when you were ready" she finished speaking.

"Dr Grissom, are you there" She asked.

"Yes… Thank you" He said his voice sounding broken. Grissom hung up the phone he sat on the bed. His thoughts were clouded and muddled. It was the alcohol; it was still playing havoc with his train of thought. He looked around the room, he saw the foil packet of the condom still on the floor were he had thrown it earlier. His stomach turned at the thought of it. He ran to the bathroom emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet. He had consumed half a bottle of Jack Daniels in the bar and had eaten nothing all day but he knew the reason for his condition was the pain he had felt hearing her words.

"I don't understand" Her word's echoed in his head, how could she not understand? How could she be that selfish? What does she think he would do? Welcome her into his arms. He left the bathroom and fell on the bed, his jacket slipped onto the floor he turned to look at the pile of material and noticed the scraps of paper and the envelope the receptionist had given him had fallen out of his pocket on to the floor. He sat up and picked up the letter. He started at his name, Why should he read it? What could it possibly contain that would justify her behaviour? He was about to rip it up when he stopped, and looked at his name again. The part of him that had been refusing to believe that she would hurt him so badly on purpose stopped him. He opened the envelope and began to read.

_Gil,_

_I know that if you're reading this that you still know deep down that I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I wanted to explain all this in person, but I can't find you. It's tearing me apart that you're thinking I betrayed you, or that I intentionally used you. Please understand I know what we have is special and I would never do anything to jeopardize it. The message you heard this morning on my machine was my friend Dee, what she said about how you could help me get the job in the lab, she was joking and you misunderstood her._

_I knew that attending your lecture would give me an advantage over some of the other applicants, the fact that I had some knowledge in entomology would be a big help. I never intended to have feelings for the lecturer; for you. I just wanted to have the seminar on my references for the application. Dee was just joking around with me. I'm sure that if she knew you were there or that we were are serious as we are, she would never have suggested it even as a joke._

_I also know that you have questions about Ken. He was the crush I mentioned to you. Yes, I was infatuated with him for a while but the reality and the fantasy were completely different. I finished it as soon as I realized that he wasn't the person I thought he was. My feelings for him never went beyond a crush. I know that you came to the campus today and saw ken kiss me. He did ask me to try again, but I said NO I told him that what we had was fun, but that he wasn't what I wanted. I told him that I didn't love him. It was never love really. I told him that I had met someone else. He asked me if I was sure and he kissed me. I told him that I was sorry and that I was touched, that he still felt that way, but the answer was still NO!! _

_I told her I had fallen in love with you and that you make me happy. I know that you aren't thinking straight that your hurt and in pain, and I'm the last person you want to see right now, but please understand I love you Gil, and I don't think I could take it if you left San Francisco like this and left what we have over a misunderstanding. Last night was the most wonderful night of my life and I just want you to remember it, remember the passion we shared. If I hurt you I'm so sorry but please don't throw away what we have, Gil please. I need you._

_Love, _

_Sara._

Grissom folded the letter and put it back into the envelope. The feelings of pain, hurt and loss at her betrayal were gone. A new feeling had filled his heart, it spread through his body. It was there in front of him, she loved him. He read her words again, but this time not filled with anger or pain, but with the eyes of a lover. He for a moment was filled with a rush of happiness, she loved him . Then the reality of what he had done hit him. The guilt washed over him like a tidal wave crashing into his soul.

"What have I done" He said as he clenched the letter tightly in his hand. He stood up and grabbed his jacket he would go to her. He would face what ever she had to say .Sara deserved a chance to confront him, a chance to call him a selfish bastard. Let her scream that he should have trusted her. He was sure she had heard them when she had come to his room. She would know what he had done. He picked up his phone and turned it on. 24 missed calls flashed up on his screen all San Francisco numbers all Sara. The feeling of sadness he felt cut into his heart. He stood up and picked up his jacket ready to go to Sara. To beg her forgiveness. Suddenly his phone sprang to life. He looked at the number. It was her.

"Grissom" His answered his automatic response kicking in.

"Hey" Sara's quiet tone sounded broken.

"I got your letter" Grissom said not knowing what to else to say.

"Yes" Sara's asked.

"Yes, Do you still want me to see me" His voice was breaking, the tears filling his eyes.

"Yes… please… Gil I need you…" Sara said she was crying now and the pain in her voice struck Grissom heart.

"I'm coming" He said as he left the room.

**Day 7 San Francisco 1999. **

**12: 20am**

Grissom arrived at Sara's building as he reached to press the button for her apartment, he heard the door buzz. He pushed at the main door and it opened letting him gain entrance. A heavy feeling settled in his stomach she knew he was here. When he reached her door he had barely knocked when he heard her footsteps approach the door. Grissom held his breath as it opened. The sight before him broke his heart. Sara stood there, her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, her eyes were red and swollen from crying. She stood back to let him enter. Grissom noticed how untidy the room was. There were a number of things that had been thrown.When he noticed the pieces of red ceramic dotted about the floor, his heart sank as he turned to face her. Sara still stood at the now closed door. She still hadn't spoken and was just staring at him. He could see the unmistakable pain in her eyes.

"Sara, I… "He started but there were no words to fix what he had done.

"Just tell me, Just tell me if it's okay" Sara said her voice broken and quiet.

"What? If what's okay?" Grissom asked becoming confused at her words.

"You said you read the letter." She said trying to swallow the sob the was stuck in her throat. "Tell me if we are okay, tell me you understand that I didn't use you, that I would never…" Sara broke down as she spoke, she grasped the door handle for dear life it was the only thing that was holding her up. Grissom realized that she wasn't upset because of his actions; she didn't seem to be angry at all. Then it hit him she hadn't heard them. She didn't know what he had done. It took him a minute to comprehend this revelation; he walked over to where she was standing and wrapped her in his arms, wanting to ease her pain. To let her know he still wanted to be with her, to show her that she hadn't done anything wrong.

He could feel her shaking in his embrace and it tore at his soul, he had to tell her the truth, he had to be honest with her. Sara was sobbing now; she wrapped her arms around his waist and clung on to him as if she would never let him go. Only pulling back to look up at him. He couldn't meet her eyes, his heart full of the guilt. Sara was blinded by the relief that he was here, that he understood, that he had forgiven her for the pain he had gone through.

"I love you Gil" Sara said. The only words that could explain how she felt. Grissom couldn't speak, he could barely move looking into her eyes he could see the hope in them, the love that poured from them was overwhelming. He kissed her. The kiss was unlike any they had shared before; it was frantic, and filled with need. Sara let out a soft moan as their mouths dueling for control. They slammed against the door their hands frantically moving over each other bodies. Sara began to pull at his clothes, he followed her lead tearing her shirt open, He covered her bra less breast with his hand; the feel of her skin was electric; he moved his lips to her neck biting and licking. Working his way from her neck to her breast consuming the soft flesh. As he took her nipple in his mouth Sara cried out, the tears slowly falling down her face. She needed him, it was passionate and lust filled but she wanted to feel his body against hers. Grissom's hard mound pressed against her as he pinned her against the wood.

"Oh Sara, I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry…" Grissom said as he devoured her body.

"I want you… make love to me… I need to feel you" Sara said as she dragged his shirt from his body. She attacked his neck like a hungry animal, biting and sucking at his flesh. Grissom's body was aching for her touch. He felt her hands pull at the button of his pants he felt the pants give way and loosen as she pushed them apart. As Sara took Grissom in hand, he sighed into her breast. She began to stoke his hard flesh; she could feel the pulse of his rising climax. Grissom's mouth returned to hers, the passion that passed between reached new levels as his desire drove him on. Grissom moved his hand down to her pants almost tearing the buttons open; he slipped under the elastic of her panties. As his fingers found their way into her folds, they both let out a guttural moan. He needed her, and she wanted him. She was so wet he wanted taste her, to feel her body as she came. He slipped two fingers into her core, Sara collapsed onto his shoulder.

"Oh God… Yes … oh Gil… Please I need you so much" Sara said begging him, Sara tightened her hold on his body, her stroke increasing in pace.

"Tell me… tell what you want, Sara" he said and he pounded into her. His mouth plundering hers.

"You … I want you… now" Sara cried out as her body was building to release. On her words Grissom removed his fingers and with both hands pushed her pants down taking her underwear with them. Sara s shook them off. She pulled him to the sofa and she surprised him when she turned her body and bent down over the arm. Settling in behind her and kissing her neck, he spread her legs apart. In one fluid movement he pushed his hard flesh into her core.

"Oh god… Yes… oh Gil" Sara's word's filled the room.Grissom felt his climax threaten, as he moved within her, the sense of completeness he felt was at war with the guilt that raged inside him. He was glad she wasn't looking in his eyes. He held on to her hips and began to pump into her with more force.

"Yes… Yes… harder I need to feel you" Sara's words sent a rush of lust through him, his movements became desperate. He was pounding into her now; he could feel his release, trying to hold he pleaded with her.

"Come for me Sara, I want to feel you come for me" He said. His voice frantic.

"So close… So close… don't stop…" Sara pleaded as she gasped for air. Grissom could barley hold on as he felt his orgasm take him. "Oh Gil …Oh God… yes… I going to… GILLLLLLLLLLLLL" Sara screamed his name, but he couldn't hear her he was lost in a climactic convulsion he felt his seed fill her, as her body clamped around his throbbing mound.

"Sarrrrra… OH JEEEEEESUS…" Grissom said in a low guttural tone.He slumped over her naked behind resting his head on her back. His thoughts were of nothing but the ecstasy that coursed through him. Sara loved the feeling of him behind her she could feel his whole body pressed against hers. Her body was lost in the emotion of the moment. Their passion had reached a new level and she couldn't form a coherent thought to save her life. As their breathing settled Grissom rose up pulling her with him. He turned her body into his and held on to her in the tightest hug Sara Sidle had ever experienced.

The guilt returned almost immediately attacking him with savage force. He wasn't sorry that they had made love; it would stay with him for the rest of his life. He would cherish the memory of her love for him. He had never known such passion could exist between two people, but he knew standing here holding her that he would be the one to end it. He could now never tell her how weak he had been. She would never know how he betrayed her love. He knew that if he told her that she wouldn't just hate him, she'd hate herself. She would be angry at herself for falling in love with a man who had been so selfish and weak. The pain that went with that feeling would tear her apart. He didn't want her to suffer like that. Sara deserved so much more. He couldn't meet her eyes fearing she would see the lies in them. He now knew what it was like to truly hate yourself.

Although it wasn't physical Sara could feel him pulling away from her, she broke the embrace and looked at him. She knew what he was going to say, Grissom saw the fear in her eyes.

"What time do you have to leave? Sara asked not really wanting to hear the answer.

"My flight is at 12pm" Grissom choked out the words.

"Can you stay with me tonight? " Sara asked swallowing the lump that rose into her throat.

"Yes" Grissom said pulling her in to him and capturing her mouth in a gentle kiss. Grissom took Sara's hand and led her into the bedroom. He pulled back the covers and he lay with her, pulling her in to him. Giving her these last few hours was the right thing to do even if the guilt tore at his soul. They lay in each other's arms all night neither of them really sleeping. Sara looked at the minutes tick by on one of her alarm clocks, her thoughts racing. 6:15am. She turned to face him. His eyes were closed but she knew he wasn't asleep.

"Hey, are you sleeping?" She whispered.

"No" Grissom said opening his eyes He had been awake like her for most of the night; the guilt was consuming him as he lay with her in his arms. He was trying to find the right words but nothing would come.

"I was thinking, maybe I could come to Vegas with you, I could do my training there, and we could be together… she said, She had been trying to think of ways they could be together. He knew that this would happen.

"Sara" Grissom said sighing and pulling away from her to sit up.

"I wish I could tell you what this last week has meant to me, I have never met anyone like you, and my feelings for you run deeper than anything I've ever felt" he said unable to meet her gaze.

"Why do I sense a but coming" Sara said sitting up, her tone giving away her sadness.

"You are starting out on a wonderful journey; you have such a great opportunity in front of you here in San Francisco. I can't let you throw it away for me. I'm not worth it" Grissom said meaning every word he said to her.

"But we're on the same road Gil you're just a couple of steps ahead of me, I won't be training forever, I could transfer once I pass my proficiency, I could go to Vegas ,to you " Her voice sounded desperate clinging to any hope that he wanted to be with her.

"You wouldn't be happy in Vegas" he said stroking her face gently.

"I'd be happy with you" Sara said her voice breaking. Grissom's heart nearly broke when he saw the sadness in her eyes, but he knew that having her with him, feeling her love for him would never release him from the guilt of what he did.

"Come here" He said pulling her into a hug. "I want you to be the best you can be Sara. You are going to make an excellent criminalist, do you know that? He said kissing the top of her head."I promise you Sara if you ever need me I'll be there for you." Grissom said framing her face in his hands placing a light kiss on her lips. "When you become a CSI you can decide then what you want. You need to find your own way" he said. He knew deep down Sara would have forgotten about him by then. Her love for him would have faded, and any desire to be with him along with it.

"I promise that I will always be there for you Gil. When you realize you need me I'll be waiting." Sara said kissing him. She got out of the bed and walked to her bathroom. "Come on let's go to the hotel and pack your stuff. I can't do this, be here with you, knowing that I really don't have you anymore" Sara said. She wasn't trying to hurt him she was trying to make it easier for herself to say goodbye.

"No" Grissom said "I think it would be better if we said goodbye here." He knew that she would want to come with him; he couldn't bear to leave her standing in the airport alone. He got out of bed and walked over to her. He took her hands in his and looked into her eyes. "I want to remember you here, in this moment. I don't want my last memory with you to be in an airport" Grissom said. Sara nodded knowing the moment had come. The moment he would walk away. She had hoped that they would have a future together but she could see it clearly now. Something in his eyes that told her this was goodbye.

"I understand" was all she could manage to say. He got dressed and returned to the bedroom, she was standing looking out the window, he mentally took in the sight of her he would keep this picture in his heart forever. Grissom walked to her was wrapped his arm around her from behind.

"It's time, I have to go." Grissom said as he kissed her on the head.

"I know I'm going to miss you." Sara said desperately trying to fight the pain that was tearing her heart in two.

"Me too" He said Sara she turned into his body and kissed him one last time. She looked up at him and framing his face in her hands she stared into his eyes.

"There is nothing that would ever make me forget what we have, I know that you think I'll move on and forget you, But I won't, I'll always remember us." she said. Grissom couldn't speak, the emotion in her eyes was overwhelming and he couldn't find any words. He turned and headed for the door, Sara ran after him, just as he was about to close the Door she called to him.

"Doc" She said Grissom stopped and looked at her.

"I love you" she said and without waiting for him to say anything she turned and went back into her bedroom and closed the door. Grissom left making a promise that he would be there for her if she ever needed him.

**Las Vegas1999**.

Grissom had changed, everyone in Vegas could see it, Catharine was one of his closest friends but even she couldn't get him to talk about what had happened in San Francisco. He went there a confident all be it cocky CSI who could share a laugh and a drink with his friends. He came back a distant closed man who had shut everyone out of his life. Keeping his emotions firmly locked away. She assumed it would pass and he would return to the man she knew. He did settle back into his life in Vegas and even some of the old Grissom returned but there was a part of him that had gone for good. She knew it was something to do with the woman he had met in San Francisco. He would mention from her time to time and a look of sadness would be in his eyes. Once she even asked him about her but Grissom had become an expert at avoiding questions and as the weeks passed Catharine stopped asking.

In the months that followed he and Sara kept in touch. Although it was difficult to begin with they settled into their new kind of relationship, through phone calls and emails the shared their thoughts and lives. She told him about cases she worked and experiments she had taken part in. He too told her of his life, the change to the graveyard shift, the fact that he kept their time together a secret from his colleges was just like him. Sara had noticed the change in him but always thought friendship was better than nothing at all. On her first day in the San Francisco Crime lab Grissom sent her a package inside was a lady bug mug the same one she had smashed that day she returned from the hotel. She in turn sent him his own cup, he still smiled when he drank his morning coffee from it, "Entomologists do it with bugs".

They would exchange gifts and Cards at birthdays and Christmas and although Sara's message would change from Love Sara, to your friend always, and then back to all my love Sara, his message was always the same. From Grissom. Sara went on to do her proficiency that same year and as he knew she would she passed with distinction on all of her three tests. She was an excellent Criminalist she had such passion for her work she reminded Grissom of himself. It was about two months after Sara had been promoted to CSI level 2 that she asked him, he had thought about it when she had passed her proficiency but he put it out of his mind. Sara had moved on, she had never mentioned their week in San Francisco together or the promises they had made that last day before but here it was, he couldn't avoid it.

"I was thinking maybe I could come work in Vegas for a while, if it works out maybe I could stay there, we could … I mean… I don't know if you still want to…, we could try again." Sara said. She had done it she had offered him a chance to be with her she offered him her heart. Grissom was silent he couldn't speak, fear gripped him, the memory of his betrayal still hung over him like dark cloud, the guilt had never really gone away but he didn't have to deal with it because he didn't have to look into her eyes those beautiful dark pools the were so open and full of love. Now she wanted to come and be with him. He couldn't do it, He wouldn't be able to have her around him and not want her, and that couldn't happen he couldn't risk hurting her again, or letting everyone see how vulnerable she made him feel.

"Sara, I…" Grissom choked on his words "This thing between us it's……" Grissom began searching his mind to find the right words. "Look I'm …" he tried to continue but the words wouldn't come.

"It's okay...I ... understand... okay?" Sara said cutting him off she could hear his answer in the tone of his voice. "I've got to go doc, duty calls, I'll talk you soon" She said her voice wavering before she hung up. Grissom's heart sank he had done it again. After that their phone calls became less frequent and the emails were kept brief and mostly involved talking about the job. It wasn't until Holly Gribbs came into Grissom's life that he needed her. The day he called her, her heart leaped she had a million emotions rushing through her. She could hear it in his voice he was in pain. Without thinking she packed a bag and got on a plane. Sara went straight to him; her heart was pounding as the car turned into the hotel where Grissom and his colleague were working a case. She stood for a moment and watched him. She couldn't contain the smile any longer as she walked up to the police tape. He looked just as she remembered him and she couldn't help the rush of arousal she had at being near him again. He cheeks found the familiar shade of pink that had plagued her that first week she had met him.

"Wouldn't you if you were married to Mrs Roper" She said her giddiness mixing with her words.

"I don't even have to turn around, Sara Sidle" He said, smiling. That was the beginning of a dance that would go on for five years. Flirting and touches and a few lingering looks of longing the only hint that they had ever been together. Then the night they had found Nick in the ground, he came to her door.

"Hey, are you okay?" Sara said not quite knowing what to say.

"There's something I need to tell you" He said.


	8. Chapter 8

**"Acquired knowledge"**

**Chapter 8**

**Las Vegas 2005**

Grissom walked into Sara's apartment without waiting for an invitation. He had spent the last three hours at the hospital watching Nick. They had given Nick a sedative to help him sleep, the fire ant bites had by then swollen up and looked like small tumours on his skin. He looked nothing like the man they knew. Grissom had sent everyone home to rest all of them protested but accepted the fact that they had been up for two days straight and they were on shift that night. They left one by one each one staring at Nick through the glass sending him a silent message. Grissom watched Sara leave. She looked so tired and sad. He watched as she raised her hand to the protective glass pressing her hand against it as if touching the young man who remained unconscious. He saw the single tear slip down her face. As Sara turned to leave, she locked eyes with Grissom. His heart almost stopped. He had seen this face before; the sadness in her eyes was all too familiar to Grissom. He tried to speak but he couldn't. He watched her as she walked toward him and before Grissom knew what was happening she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into her embrace. Sara held him, resting her chin on his shoulder. He could feel the tension in her body. He felt her cheek graze his ear, it was so soft. He relaxed into her breathing out and sighing into her hair. He let himself take in her scent. It was exactly as he remembered it, the last time he held her, and he was instantly taken back to San Francisco, in her bedroom the morning he left. Her words echoed in his head.

"There is nothing that would ever make me forget what we have, I know that you think I'll move on and forget you, But I won't, I'll always remember us."It replayed now in his head how she had felt under his hand, how tossed her hair looked, the colour of her lips, the way she had so bravely let him go. His emotions were crashing in on him and he couldn't stand it. A moment later Sara broke the embrace and without a single word she walked away. It felt so final, Grissom felt it. He knew she had come to a crossroads of sorts and she had chosen her path. His heart sank as he realized she wasn't hugging him for comfort, she was hugging him goodbye. Sara was putting him behind her and moving on. For the first time since he met her he felt truly alone. It was time.

He walked into her apartment and turned to face her. Sara had showered and was wearing the same bathrobe that she had worn in San Francisco. She looked exactly the way she did the night he arrived for their first date. It made him smile to see the robe; he remembered the feel of it as he undid the knot in the belt, the first night they made love. He knew he had come there to be honest with her. He had to free his heart of the guilt he had carried all these years.

"Can I get you anything?" Sara asked the nerves obvious in her voice.

"No, thank you. I… I…" Grissom stumbled over his thoughts trying to find a way to put into words everything he was thinking.Sara didn't give him a chance to continue.

"I'm making myself some tea, it's no trouble." She said and with that she walked into her kitchen busying herself with filling the kettle. She had just reached for the cup when she felt his hand on her arm.

"Sara please, I need to tell you something, I need you to listen to me." He said as he led a very surprised looking Sara to the armchair in the sitting room.

"Okay, what's up?" Sara said trying to sound calm even though her heart was racing. "Is Nick okay?" she asked, beginning to worry.

"Yes Sara, Nick is fine; His parents are with him at the hospital" Grissom said shifting uncomfortably and looking around the. Sara could see the torment in his eyes. "There is something I should have told you a long time ago, something that I'm ashamed of. It has taken me five years to realize that I am only fooling myself trying to hide from it. I won't ever be free to move on unless I tell you the truth. Sara sat quietly watching him; she had never seen him so openly terrified. " I should have told you back then, back in San Francisco but I didn't have the courage , I wasn't strong enough" Grissom said sitting down on the couch facing Sara, in much the same way they had sat the night she told him about her family. "That night, the night you came to the hotel to find me I was…well you see I …"

"I know" Sara cut him off.

"What?" Grissom's shocked expression turned to confusion.

"I know… I know you were there, in the hotel room that night, and I know you weren't alone." Sara said breathing a sigh of relief.

"What?... How?... Why didn't you?" he tried to take in her announcement, he had come to tell her the truth. He had to finally be honest with her. For the first time in five years his memory of that night was thrown into confusion. He searched his thoughts trying to replay everything that had happened but her words were drowning out every memory. She knew. She knew everything.

"I heard her voice. That night, when I left your door I stood at the elevator and waited. I saw her leave your room" Sara said, her voice was low and calm. Grissom was stunned, he could barely breath as the questions flooded his head but he could not verbalize any of them. Sara continued.

"I left the hotel and went home, I won't lie and say that I wasn't upset, I couldn't believe you had done that me, to us" she said, as she tried to continue Grissom cut her off, finally finding his voice.

"Why didn't you tell me all these years you knew, and you said nothing" Grissom said. He was lost in confusion.

"Let me finish" Sara said, her anger beginning to surface. "I came home that night and trashed my place; I wanted to hurt you, to get rid of everything you touched. I picked up the cup you bought me and smashed it. After that I sat on the floor and broke down, God, I hated you so much" She said the emotion of her memories overcoming her as the tears fell.

"Sara I…" Grissom tried again but Sara kept going not hearing him.

"I was angry with you but it was so weird, it wasn't because of what you had done. If you can believe that, it's because I loved you, I still loved you, even after you had hurt me deeper than anyone had ever hurt me" Sara kept talking even though the tears were steaming down her face now, she fought the sob that had formed in her throat.

"I knew that you were in pain and that I had caused it. I never for a minute thought I'd see you again, and the thought of never seeing you again terrified me. I know I should have hated your guts, but you have to understand, I had never felt anything like the love we had shared" Sara said, standing up and retreating to the kitchen counter. "Even growing up I was taught that love wasn't really real that it was something you put on in front of strangers, social workers, even friends, but with you it wasn't fake, it was real, and as much as it hurt me I cherished it. I realized that I honestly loved you, and for the first time in my life I really had felt love in return" As Sara spoke she walked back to the couch. Grissom was stunned. He saw the hurt in her eyes and he wanted to hold her, his own emotions began to betray him as he felt the lump rise in his throat.

"When you answered your phone that night I wanted to tell you to go to hell but I couldn't do it. I couldn't push you away. So I asked you to come to me. You knew deep down I'd heard you but you still came. Most men would have run away. I knew you were coming to face me and that told me that you respected me even after everything that had happened." Sara stopped to catch her breath. Grissom tried to take her hand but she pulled away and his heart sank.

"Please, I need you to let me finish this" Sara said as she walked away again, she stood at the front door. Grissom sat quietly and let her speak. "When you got to my place that night, I saw your eyes and I knew you were in pain. I know that kind of pain Grissom, it can only come from having hurt someone you honestly care about. I saw it in my mother's eyes when she looked at me the night she killed my father." Sara said lost in her memories. "That's when I decided that I wouldn't tell you I knew. I'd pretend that I hadn't heard you that night. I knew you would want to stop me from believing that I'd hurt you. So that's why I asked you if you had read the letter, I knew if I asked you to forgive me you wouldn't have hesitated. I knew that if I asked you to, you would make love to me.I have never shared that kind of passion with anyone. The way you made love to me that first night. God, it was the most complete moment of my life. Then the night I told you I loved you and I meant it, for the first time in my life I really knew what love was." Sara had stopped talking but her words hung heavily in the room. Grissom was struggling to come to terms with all she had said and he stood up and walked to her.

"How, Sara how could you have forgiven me, after… after what I had done?" Grissom was lost in confusion and admiration; he didn't know if he should hold her or leave.

"I knew that if you had told me that night, you never would have accepted my forgiveness… no… wait that's only part of it. I knew you never would have forgiven yourself, and if I had left you leave feeling that way I would have never heard from you again. I couldn't let that happen. Don't you see Grissom I loved you, but you had to forgive yourself and you wouldn't have been able to do that back then" Sara said walking away from him. "No matter how many times I came to you offering you a chance to move on, to heal, you pushed me away and I realized that it was my own fault. I had saved you from something that was never really mine to save. I know now that by hiding the truth I made it worse and because of that I've lost you forever" Sara's emotions finally took her and she let out a sob and turned her back on him, hiding in her grief.

Grissom had heard everything she said, she was right, she was right about everything. He would have told her the truth that night and left unable to forgive himself. It would have been impossible for him to stay in contact with her. Grissom walked to her. He reached out to her and pulled her into his embrace.

"I just wanted you to love me; I just wanted to have that feeling for the rest of my life." Sara said as she buried her head in his chest.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you Sara, I wish I could turn back the clock to that night, I have replayed it over and over in my head. If I had just read your letter first? If I had answered the phone?" Grissom said feeling her body shake in his arms. "Please honey, please stop crying. I need to ask you something now, but I need you to look at me." Grissom said as he pulled her out of his arms.

"I'm asking you to forgive me Sara" Grissom said.

"You know I do Gris…" Sara said, but Grissom cut her off.

"No Sara, it's your turn to let me finish" Grissom said as his hands framed her face, he let his thumbs wipe away her tears. "I need you to forgive me for that night and for the last five years. " He said his voice now had a tone in it that Sara hadn't heard in five years. "I foolishly thought by keeping you away that I could hide from my feelings, but I couldn't do it Sara. Tonight watching Nick in the hospital, seeing you in pain like that, I wanted to take away the hurt you were feeling. It was only when you were leaving and you held me that it hit me. It was me that needed you. I can't take back the last five years but I need to tell you these things. I need to tell you the truth and the truth is that I love you, do you understand Sara? I have always loved you" Sara let out a laugh filled sob as he finished speaking.

"I love you too" was all Sara could say as their lips met for the first time in five years. Grissom was overwhelmed with happiness. Her kiss her was filled with such passion and love that he let his tears fall freely in front of her, no more hiding no more lies, it was time to heal.

**_Epilogue _**

**Las Vegas,**

**2007.9:05am**

Grissom was dozing on the chair when he was hit full force in the face with a cushion.

"Oh no you don't. You promised me that we'd do it today" Sara said as she giggled at his shocked expression.

"I know but I said after we woke up, I'm tired plus you never said we had to do it before we slept" Grissom was grumpy, they had just come home after shift and it had been a busy night.

"Please, you have been promising me for the last week. Every morning you'd say "I'm too tired" or "we'll do it later", well not today Dr Grissom. Today we are going to do this whether you want to or not. Now get up and march into that bedroom and get changed" Sara said in a sergeant major tone of voice. Grissom knew he was on the losing side this time and sighed.

"Okay you win. Give me a minute to put something else on and make some coffee I'll need it." He said as he pulled himself up off the chair. Sara jumped in excitement and kissed his cheek, as she walked into the kitchen Grissom smiled at her. She met his gaze for a moment.

"Hurry up" she said smiling at him. When he came out she was no where to be seen. He knew where she was and he let out a heavy sigh as he walked to the garage. He found her surrounded by cardboard boxes. Some had her name on them some had his.

"Who would have thought moving in together would take so long" Grissom said giving Sara a little fright. She turned to meet his eyes.

"Well if someone had helped unpack when he was asked to we wouldn't still be doing this three months after we moved in" Sara said returning to the box she had opened.

"Okay, what do you want me to do?" Grissom said yawning.

"Well, we have to go through each box and decide what's staying here and what's going into storage? Then we have to find space for all of it" Sara said in a cheery way, she was fighting a yawn too but she really wanted to get this done and the fact that they hadn't had a day off together in weeks meant this was their first chance to do it.

"Okay boss" Grissom said making fun of her. As he worked through each of his boxes Grissom realized that most of there contents were his old life, the life before Sara. He looked at each item not really remembering why he had kept them. Some of the books he wanted but most of the other items he knew weren't him anymore. He was different now, he had changed. He looked over at Sara and smiled. Sara was covered in dust and she was talking to herself when she took in a breath and held it.

"Everything alright over there?" He asked noticing her movements had stopped.

"Come look at this" She said waving for him to come over to where she was standing.

"What is it?" Grissom said as he climbed over the row of boxes that were marked for storage. In front of Sara was a tatty cardboard box that had San Francisco stuff written on it. Grissom looked at Sara.

"I had this stuff shipped to Vegas when I moved here but it's been in storage since then" Sara said pulling at the tape. Sara opened the box inside there were lots of little kick knacks and books. Sara smiled as she noticed the two shoe boxes on the bottom Sara lifted them out and sat on a box that was behind her resting her back against the Tahoe Grissom had driven home that day. Sara opened the first shoe box and inside there were pictures, hundreds of pictures of her and her friends in collage. Grissom moved in beside her and looked at them with her as she flicked through them.

"You look so young. Were you really that young?" Grissom said taking out one of the pictures of her.

"I wasn't that young besides you didn't meet me until years later. This was my first year in collage, everyone was young." Sara said flipping through a stack when she stopped.

"Oh my god, I totally forgot about this one. " Sara said excited and smiling. Grissom turned his attention to the picture she held in her hand. It was a picture of the two of them sitting on the collage campus, it was the day Grissom gave her the bug mug, her friends had taken it unknowingly capturing the moment when Sara realized she was in love with him.

"Wow, You look so… So…" Grissom could not put words to the look she was giving him in the picture.

"In love" Sara said finishing his sentence as she looked up at him and kissed him.

"What's in that one? " Grissom asked, pointing to the other shoe box beside Sara. "I don't know it's been so long" She said as she continued to look through the photos having set the one of them aside to be framed.

"Do you mind?" Grissom asked, reaching for the box.

"No, go ahead" Sara said lost in her pictures once again.Grissom pulled off the lid and his heart nearly stopped. Inside the box was literally the week she met him. He found the receipt from the diner where they shared their first cup of coffee and tea together. He also found the stubs from the shuttle tour they had taken around San Francisco. There were other numerous bits and pieces of their week together including something which sent a sting of guilt to his heart. In the box was the once broken, now badly glued cup. There were missing pieces and no handle but he would have known it anywhere. He was speechless as he looked at Sara who felt his gaze and looked up.

"What the matter?" She said seeing his eyes and the emotion in them.

"I can't believe you fixed it" He said putting the box down but holding up the broken piece of pottery.

"Well, it was the only thing that you gave me, I broke it when I got back home that night." Sara said lowering her head hiding the fleeting look of sadness at the memory before continuing. " After you left after I pulled myself together I started to clean up. I picked up all the pieces I could find and glued it together again. I guess I should have thrown it away but, it held everything that was us as it was. She said offering him a smile.

"I don't understand what you mean it was us." Grissom asked sitting down beside her resting his back against the door of his car.

"Well" Sara said taking the cup from him. "It was cracked and broken but it was fixable; I mean It didn't matter that I couldn't use it just reminded me that even though we weren't together it didn't mean that we weren't fixable" Sara said with a hint of sadness.

"When you turned me down the night I asked you to dinner, I came home and put this stuff into storage, I guess I sort of realized then that you would be the one to fix us not me." As Grissom looked at her, his eyes filled with tears.

"I promise I will never hurt you again, I will never…" Grissom choked on his words.

"Hey" Sara said capturing his cheek in her hand and turning his face to meet hers."I love you, but it's good to have reminders of what we were, and what happened. Every time I looked at that cup I didn't see sadness Gil, I saw hope." Sara said kissing him.

"Even now I look at it and I still see us, fragile and with pieces broken and missing but still together. We have to take care not to let it fall again." She said as she kissed him again. Grissom's emotions took hold and he clung on to her, deepening the kiss.

"I love you Sara, I love you…" He said as he stood up pulling her into him. Sara never got a chance to answer as he ravished her mouth with his. He let his hand trace over her back and down over her ass. He lifted the back of her shirt and slid his hand underneath, desperate to touch her skin. His memory filled with the week they had shared, replaying each day, each look she had given him, today they had new meaning. He would always think of his mistake, and he would remember the hurt and grief he had seen in her eyes, he pulled her closer trying to say it all in a hug.

"I need to touch you "He said sounding desperate. Sara let go of his neck and pulled away from him. Grasping the ends of her shirt she pulled them up and over her head, revealing her naked torso. Grissom pulled her into him; he bent his head and bit down hard on her erect nipple. Sara let a low moan escape her lips into the air and she began to pull his t shirt up to take it off. Grissom lifted his head from her breast, finishing what she had started; he pulled the t shirt over his head, dropping the shirt on the floor.

Sara attacked Grissom's chest with a hunger, she bit and licked her way down his stomach. She knelt before him her eyes shining with desire.She was pulling at his buttons when Grissom grabbed her hand. "No" Grissom said pulling her up to a standing position again.

"But I want to taste you." Sara said confused by her lover's action.

"Me first" he said and he lifted her up on to the hood of the Tahoe. Sara let out a small scream as he lifted her. Once up on the car he pulled her sweat pants down taking her underwear with them. He pulled them off and threw them onto the pile of boxes they had been unpacking.

"Gil, what are you…" Sara stopped speaking as Grissom snaked his hands around her and pulled her to the edge of the hood. He pushed her long legs apart. Sara cried out as He took her soft flesh of her centre in his mouth. He held her legs apart as he devoured her sex. His tongue finding its way between her folds.

"JEEEESUS Gil… oh god… that's so good" Sara moaned and she writhed and bucked under his mouth. Grissom had come to discover that Sara was very vocal in her love making. For a woman who was known for her focus and control to most people, he loved the fact that he saw this side of her. He loved that he could make her lose all control and be at his mercy, it sent a surge of primal pride to his arousal as he savaged her core.

Sara's climax was building he could feel it , she was now moving her hips with each flick and suck he made with his tongue, she bucked into his mouth her hands now holding his head in place.

"Oh Gris... don't stop... Pleeeeeeeeease… Don't stop…" Sara was close he could hear her voice change. He intensified his action capturing the tiny hard bud between his lips once more and flicking his tongue harder and faster than before.

"OH GOD GIL... SO CLOSE…SO CLOSE … OH GILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL… JESUSFUCKINGCHRIST…" Sara called out as her climax exploded through her, she bucked and pushed at Grissom's head to stop his mouth but he wrapped his arms around her legs and held fast drinking all she had to give. Grissom's body had reacted with force to her climax, his own mound straining against his jeans. He stood up to undo his buttons. He looked at Sara who was still lost in her climax on the hood if the truck. He watched as her hands were gliding over her breasts. He could see the moisture glistening on the mound of brown curls above her core.

He was pulling the denim material apart when he watched her sink her fingers into her own body. He let out a moan of approval as he took his hard flesh in hand and stroked himself watching her fingers dance in and out of her body. Unable to wait any longer he pulled her down from the hood to him; she pushed him back onto the pile of boxes and forced him down. Grissom had never seen such lust in her eyes as she straddled him and lifted herself up enough for him to guide his arousal into her body. They paused for a moment locking eyes as the feeling of their joint bodies spread through them, the completeness they shared in this moment never ceased to amaze either of them. Sara began to move grinding into his body, her breasts gently moving in time with her pace. Grissom knew he would not last long and began to move with her, his hands on her hips he rocked her faster pounding his body with hers. He kept seeing her on the hood, her fingers slipping in and out of her sex. He lifted her hand from his shoulder sucking her fingers tasting her once more sent a primal groan from his mouth as his tongue snaked her finger.

"Oh God Gil… I can't hold on … Come for me Doc… " Sara said grunting her words through teeth clenched fighting the climax that threatened her. Grissom barley heard her as his orgasm attacked him with force.

"JEEEEEEEEEESUS SARA" Grissom said as he convulsed under her. Sara felt his climax take him and as she moved her fingers to her centre she was almost there. Her climax came easily under her own touch as she slid over her arousal she touched his flesh still inside her it was one of the most erotic moments Sara had ever experienced and she was lost. They stayed like this for a few minutes both exhausted but both not wanting to move. Finally Grissom called her name.

"Sara, come on let's go inside I need to hold you, and we both need sleep." Grissom said stroking her cheek. Sara nodded her approval and lifted her body of his, picking up his t shirt and slipping it on she picked up the picture of them in San Francisco and went to his side taking his hand. They were heading back into their house when he stopped and walked over to the shoe box picking up the broken cup he walked back to her.

"I think we should keep this in our house to remind us that we aren't perfect. That we have pieces missing and broken but that were still together and that what we have is fragile and we have to take care of it" Sara smiled and kissed him as they walked into the house Sara looked around at their new home. She watched as he placed the broken mug on the shelf she walked over to him and placed the photo beside it.

"Miss Sidle?" he said being playful.

"Yes, Dr Grissom" Sara answered just as playfully.

"I was just wondering how it was you became smarter than me?" He said touching her cheek.

"Acquired knowledge, Doc" Sara said as she kissed him and taking his hand she led him into bed.

The End.

Thanks for reading. Let me know if you liked it.


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